How to live big each day

We are starting to see small shifts happening around us. Things are “opening up” in different ways in various places, and at different paces. 

How are you being impacted now?

What do you foresee changing for you?

As you consider these questions, consider that each day — no matter where you live and what your circumstances — you can ask yourself two more questions. They that will help you make the most of your day, and the most of your life!

Two powerful questions to ask yourself each day

If you have my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, you know that it is divided into two sections. The first 10 chapters are about the being of living big. The other 10 chapters are about the doing of living big.

Why?

Because we are human beings, and we spend way more time doing, than being. And living big starts with our state of being.

Question 1: “Who do I need to be today?”

When you consider who you need to be to step into your day and have it be the best day possible, you orient yourself to the way you want to live your day.

For example, if you have been feeling sluggish, or stuck, you may want to feel more free and get your spirit soaring.

Or, if you have been frantically trying to keep up with work, childcare, and everyday tasks that drain you, you may need to slow down and find stillness, to allow space for reflection, ease, and self-care.

Other possibilities for the focus you may want to bring to your state of being include: living in the present, loving more, being true to your heart, living without fear, aligning with your purpose, cultivating patience, being grateful, and seeing wonder around you.

Each of these will have a meaningful impact on your well-being.

Question 2: “What do I most need to do today?”

In addition to your state of being, focus on the action you want to take, and how you will do it. That’s where the doing of living big can be considered.

You may realize that you will benefit from listening more clearly for the signals from your intuition.

You may decide that actively creating will charge your imagination and provide you with energy that will be a game-changer. 

Today may be the day for you to speak your truth, or tap more of your passion, or live boldly — even in a quiet way.

Or, it may be a day for you to embrace change, play more, find your way through confusion, or be resilient.

Today you may choose to focus on charting your path to move into the future. 

All of these ways to take action are essential to living big, and you can develop your abilities to do all of them.

Small steps make a big difference

If you feel unsure how to get started opening the states of being and doing you feel called to bring into your day, Live Big is filled with exercises and practices to help you. 

Just asking yourself these questions, and stepping into the exploration of these ways of living — one small step at a time — is a great start.

Living big is a practice. It’s a life-long journey of growth and expansion. And each step on the journey is a step of expansion.

Because life is always changing — whether change comes quickly, as it did around the world weeks back, or things slowly unfold, as they are doing now.

And every day of your life offers you the opportunity to live big.

When you want support, here are 3 ways to get it

1. Check out the list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website. All of the tools and ideas have been shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

2. Join me for the next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday, May 23 at 3:00pm eastern for an intimate conversation when we will connect, share, and learn new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call. 

3. And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper, life-changing coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call, whether you choose to embark on coaching or not. Schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Are you ready for what’s next?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been reading lots of new posts that are focused on “emerging” and “restarting.”

Maybe we are at a moment where things will start to “open up.” And...

What that will look like — depending on where you live, and the way it’s handled, and if we will find ourselves knocked back again — is a big unknown.

As an optimist, I always focus on the positive. And still, this is a time for taking a clear look at where we are, what may be coming, and how to navigate now.

That’s because we are faced with a force of biology and nature that’s unlike anything we have experienced before. There are too many variables and possibilities to know what lies just ahead (much less what’s coming farther down the road).

So, having lived through weeks of isolation and facing so much uncertainty, what can you do now?

1. Start by assessing your current state

Most of us have used the weeks since enforced social distancing as a time to consider how we can live our best lives despite remarkable limitations. 

Some have struggled, some have had ups and downs. 

Some have found new ways to find well-being — both emotionally and physically — while others are still looking for what they need to feel grounded and balanced and healthy.

We all have different challenges — from isolation and loneliness, to juggling childcare and work, to caring for elderly loved ones at a distance, to finding our financial well-being overturned, to health challenges, to having to respond or provide services in new ways in our businesses, to grief, and more. 

I doubt that any of us moving through this time have been unaffected or unchanged.

So, how are you doing now?

2. Sustain your foundation — or shore it up

The only thing we know for sure is that there’s uncertainty ahead. 

If you have adjusted and feel you have solid footing, this is the time to sustain it. That means maintaining a commitment to yourself and the routines that are working. And, it means staying open and creative in your thinking, so that you can modify as you find new and better ways to support yourself, or find yourself needing to adapt to changes.

For most of us, living well continues to be a work in progress. And, that's ok. This is a perfect time to shore up your foundation.

3. Put your best resource to work.

What’s the greatest resource, that’s available to all of us, no matter how you have assessed your current state?

Creativity

And if you are wondering how to start ramping up your creativity, it’s easier than you may think.

If you’ve been reading my posts for a while you have heard me say that a key to opening your creative channels is to start by bolstering self-love.

Here are some simple ways to give yourself a little self-love pep talk.

• Remind yourself that you are a wonderful person, and are deserving of goodness, happiness and abundance.

• Remind yourself that you have a wealth of gifts to share. 

• Remind yourself that you have overcome challenges before and can again. 

Next, ask yourself questions like these:

• What self-care do I need to focus on now?

• Who can I turn to for help and support?

• How can I think differently?

• How can I serve in new ways?

• What would bring more happiness into my life?

• What's possible that I have not explored?

• Where are there opportunities now?

• How can I look at things from a new angle or perspective?

• How might I pivot?

• What matters most to me now? What one small thing can I do to make it happen, or do more of it?

All of these questions put you into a creative mindset. They open your creative thinking, and as a byproduct, they lift your spirits. 

You might write for 5 or 10 minutes as you answer each of the questions that calls to you — and you might add more questions as your intuition and curiosity get into gear.

And, to really amplify the process, start a creative practice, or do more that’s creatively expressive. Doodle, sing, cook, garden, write poems, play music, knit, build something, paint, quilt, dance — whatever you enjoy creating will give you a big emotional lift, and that lift will make everything in your life better.  

Once you adopt a creative mindset, and ramp up creative expression, you will be amazed at the impact they have. And as you move into the future you will have the resources you need to continue creating your best life. 

Are you ready for support?

I continue to provide a range of ways to support you.

The list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website continues to grow. All of the tools and ideas, that can help you as you navigate this time, have been shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 16 at 3:00pm eastern. Join in for another intimate conversation with women from all over the country, when we connect, share, and learn new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call.

If you want one-on-one coaching support, I have 2 spots on my calendar this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. It’s been wonderful supporting the women who have scheduled these calls already. Access my calendar to schedule your session.*

And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper, life-changing coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call, whether you choose to embark on coaching or not. Here’s how to schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Can you take this word out of your vocabulary?

In many recent conversations I’ve heard people use a word that I learned, long ago, to remove from my vocabulary. We all use it (and, yes, I still slip up from time to time). And, we’d all be doing much better if we could banish it.

The word? 

SHOULD

This is a loaded word. A word your self-critic loves to use to bombard you. A word you can live without. Because when you are aware and start to shift your self-talk to eliminate the “shoulds,” your life will get so much better.

I know that sounds like a grand promise.

Can changing one word do that much?

Yes. And here’s why.

When you layer “should” upon “should” on yourself, you are constantly feeding yourself negativity and criticism. You’re heaping self-judgement on yourself. 

You are often comparing yourself to others — or some ideal — and in the process you feel awful that you haven’t measured up. 

And that takes a toll.

Some of the shoulds I have been hearing lately include:

• I should be decluttering, like everyone else.

• I should be doing yoga every day, or taking hour-long walks.

• I should be applying for the new job I was starting to look for just before all this started.

• I should be doing something creative, but when I pull out art materials I can’t get myself to start.

• Baking? Who has time for baking? But everyone else's family is doing it...

• I should be getting ready for bed earlier... And meditating... And journaling...

• I should be volunteering. There are so many people who need help.

• I should be working on new ideas for my business, and implementing new initiatives now.

• What’s wrong with me? I should be coping better than I am.

You get the point. Maybe you see your “shoulds” on this list, or are adding yours.

If you’re a “should-er,” this is a perfect time to change your self-talk.

Try using these three steps:

1. Notice

Change begins with this crucial step: aim to catch yourself when you are “should-ing” yourself. With attention and practice, the “shoulds” get easy to spot in the moment.

2. Reframe

This step takes practice. This is when you pause and reframe the “should” thought when you notice it. Here’s an example of how you might do that.

When a thought shows up like: “I should be able to get this to-do list all checked off today,” you could re-phrase it as: “I will start doing the most important item on my list and see if I can finish that in the next hour. I’ll continue from there.”

Or, you might rephrase it this way: “Since I was up during the night with my child who couldn’t sleep, it’s ok if I just start with the first important task and reassess my energy levels for continuing after an hour.”

3. Be gentle with yourself

If someone or something needs attention — it could be an elderly parent dialing you up, a child who wakes up early from a nap, an unexpected email from a colleague, or just that you realize you are not able to focus on the matter at hand — the task you planned on will take longer, or it may need to be deferred. 

That’s ok. There’s a lot happening now that is not like “life was before,” and berating yourself will only make things harder.

This is an important time to be gentle with yourself and practice self-love. (You may want to read an older post about self-love, for specific ways to do that.)

And, as you are able to make progress — even small progress counts! —acknowledge yourself. Appreciate that you embarked on or completed a task, or started developing a new idea, or helped someone, or just made it through the day with more ease.

What would make you smile and feel good about something like that? What small treat can you give yourself? Have fun thinking of ways to acknowledge every small step on this path.

I am here to support you in several ways.

As the weeks of disruption continue, you may be finding that you need new responses.

I have been adding resources and ideas to the Thriving Now page on my website that can help you as you navigate this time. The page is filled with tools and ideas have been shared in my ongoing, weekly Zoom calls.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 9 at 3:00pm eastern. In these intimate conversations, women from all over the country have been connecting, sharing, and learning new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have 2 spots on my calendar this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. It’s been wonderful supporting the women who have scheduled these calls already. Access my calendar to schedule your session.*

And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. Here’s where to do that.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big mindset lesson I did not see coming

Our mindset is always crucially important, and it’s never been more important than it is now.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know that I advocate for creating as a key way to live well. My mission is to help people to adopt the mindset of being creators in their lives, rather than letting life happen to them.

And, I advocate for the benefits of finding ways to create expressively. When you express yourself through any creative effort, you can “offload” troubling emotion, get into a state of flow and positivity, and elevate great emotions.

My original plan for this article was to talk about how you can tune in to your intuition, and why that’s something valuable to learn and practice now.

But I am taking a detour.

I want to share something personal, that has proven to be big for me this week. 

In this time of living through major disruption, when so much has shifted and so many are struggling, my creative practice has amazed me. I have loved the time I’ve set aside to paint the last four years. But in the last two months it has become more important than I ever expected.

I want to share what’s happened in my life in the last weeks.

I have been studying painting at the SMFA since 2016. I take one class each semester, on Monday nights. And, I nearly always spend a couple of hours painting on the Sunday before my class.

It’s a relatively small time commitment, but it’s been a meaningful and important part of my life.

And then the pandemic hit.

Tufts closed and we shifted to online classes — which is super-challenging for a studio class! Fortunately, I had set up a dedicated small painting studio in my home last summer, so I had a place for all of my materials and the canvases that had been at school.

And, my life got busier than ever in the last eight weeks. I was no longer making time on Sundays to paint. But I did paint on Monday evenings, and what started to happen in that time has been more profound than I ever could have imagined.

The world changed and my art changed.

My abstract paintings have always been rooted in emotion, in making visual what I am feeling. And while I have been safe, healthy and secure, and gratified to be able to support so many people during this stressful time, I thought I was pretty grounded. 

But I can see now that I was unaware of how my mindset was being tested.

Standing in front of my easel these last weeks, and letting all of my emotion come forward, has connected me to a lot of tough stuff that I’d had glimpses of, but had not fully acknowledged. And that unacknowledged deep emotion was interfering with my well-being.

I am concerned about my elderly parents. I am concerned about family members in frail health. I am concerned about policy makers who have increased the scope and danger of the epidemic for our society and continue to fail us in so many ways. I am disturbed by how many people are in peril — front-line workers, those who are ill with the virus, people who are in dire financial straits, people around the world who were in peril before all of this, and are in greater danger now. I could go on and on. 

That deep emotion sat like an undercurrent, disturbing my sleep, my digestion and making me feel subtly uneasy. It would not sit quietly under the surface when I was in the studio. It insisted on being fully felt. And I let it be the fuel for my work.

I am letting myself feel it all.  

Each time I have painted over the last weeks has been wrenching. Something inside has opened up each time I’ve stepped into my studio — my sacred space for feeling it all.

My heart has ached. Tears have run down my face. In fact, just writing this is making me emotional. 

And I let it all come, without trying to make “beautiful paintings.” My amazing teacher, Elaine Spatz-Rabinowitz, and my dear classmates (all on Zoom now) have been remarkably supportive. Yes, they said — make it ugly. Yes, be raw.

And magic has happened. 

It has felt so liberating to allow myself to paint the ugly and raw emotions that have been sitting just under the surface. And, remarkably, what has come through me onto the canvas is one painting in particular, titled In the Unknown, that I completed last Monday. I have never painted anything like this before. My feelings are coming through in new and different ways.

I have lightened the burden on my heart through the process of creating, each time I show up in my studio. And, I hope that my expressions of this deep emotion will touch someone, somewhere, and help them to feel what they may have bottled up or pushed aside.

This time will not last forever. We will move forward.

Some things will be the same after this. Many things will have shifted. And we will adapt and adjust.

But what I have learned in my studio will stay with me. I will hold the knowing that when I create, I connect to all of myself and I give myself these two big gifts — the gift of awareness, and the gift of using and releasing the pain in my heart as I make it visible. 

Some people do this when they create with words. Some do it with dance. Some do it with music. Some do it with food, or fabrics, or sculpting, or building, or transforming their gardens, or enlightening those around them. Some turn to bright color and uplifting sounds and forms. Some need to be with their pain.

All who create give themselves a tremendous gift. 

I invite you explore this territory. 

I am here to support you.

The Thriving Now page on my website has a growing list of resources that can  can help you do just that — thrive. The tools and ideas have been shared in my ongoing, weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 2 at 3:00pm eastern. Women from all over the country have been coming to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have 1 more spot on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls, and 2 spots are available next week. Access my calendar to schedule a session.*

And, for deeper support — to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing — I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This deeply focused support can propel you forward, on an issue that you want to address now. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Our next opportunity to learn

As we are finding our way week by week, things shift. Some days are better than others for most of us. You may be experiencing some gradual adjustments.

We have many opportunities to learn, to pay attention, and to grow in this extraordinary time. 

Last week, I wrote about how important it is to attend to your emotions. If you missed that, check out the three steps I shared to do just that.

Today, I am focused on another key lesson we can learn now. It will support you as you move through this time of interruption, and will have a great impact for a lifetime of wellbeing.

Make great self-care your new normal 

Some of us are much better at creating time and space for self-care than others.

I have clients who are working out daily, or taking long walks rain or shine. (That's a work in progress for me!) Some are super-focused on healthy eating, while others are struggling to stay away from snacking on empty carbs. Some are feeling non-stop stress, and others find their emotions bouncing up and down.

Wherever you are on the continuum, consider these ways you can take good care of yourself. 

1. Put yourself on the calendar

Many of us talk a good game. We tell ourselves we’ll meditate every day, or take the time to cook healthy food, or exercise every morning. More often than not, we start strong for a couple days and then let things slide.

Setting an intention in our heads is one thing.

Making a date with yourself — complete with a block of non-negotiable time on your calendar — takes your intention to the next level.

It’s also helpful to tell someone what you intend to do. Yes, speak it out loud.

Perhaps that person will partner with you. You might ask them for support, so you can be accountable.

Acknowledge yourself for taking this first meaningful step!

2. Choose your self-care focus

There are so many ways you can consider bringing a bigger focus on self-care into your daily life. The key is to start with one or two things that feel most appealing to you. Consider these categories:

Sleep  Are you getting enough sleep? Is the quality of your sleep suffering? How can you adjust your bedtime routine so you ease into sleep and rest well?

Food  What will help you feel your best? More fresh produce? Learning to cook new things? Setting clear times for meals and healthy snacks?

Meditation  You may want to try using an app with guided meditations. You could try writing in a journal when you wake up each morning. Or, simply spend just a few quiet minutes each day sitting and breathing deeply.

Exercise  Do you love to walk? Do you want or need to do weight-training? Is yoga your go-to, or would you like to try it out? 

Time in nature  Spending time outdoors has huge benefits, whether you dig in a garden, walk in the woods, or just stroll down the street and notice the blooms on nearby trees.

Pampering yourself  Take time to soak in a tub, savor a delicious cup of tea, take an online museum tour, try making a soothing face mask, or light candles and listen to music. Any way you can give yourself a treat is great!

Creating  You knew I would include this, right? Bringing a favorite creative activity into your life on a regular basis is an excellent way to practice self-care. Sewing or needle-work, drawing, crafting, singing, playing an instrument, writing poetry, cooking, painting, gardening — they are all wonderful ways to create and express yourself. And try creating with others, as a way to care for yourself. Who can you invite for an art date, or to sing with you?

What other ideas can you think of to bring more self-care into your life?

3. Add in a new self-care practice, or change things up

Have fun with this. Experiment and see what you most enjoy, and what has the biggest benefit to you. 

Maybe you’ll have a regular weekend self-care ritual that is different from what you choose to do Monday through Friday.  

Whatever you choose, honor yourself for your commitment to a self-care practice.

And if you want to explore additional resources to help you now, check out my Thriving Now page. It includes many ways you can do just that — thrive!  

All of the things on my growing list are tools that I and others have shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

I am here to support you.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, April 25. Join me for this 8th weekend call. Women from all over the country have been coming to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have opened 2 more spots on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. Access my calendar to schedule a session.

And, for deeper support — to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing — I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This kind of deeply focused support can propel you forward, on an issue that you want to address now. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Talking about Living Big

I was delighted when Kevin Hallinan invited me to be a guest on his radio show, Winning Business — which is now also a podcast that’s widely available.

Keven is a great guy (and has an amazing radio voice!). He’s a sales expert and we’ve had conversations about how much coaching matters in his world, to ensure that sales people have a solid mindset that helps them succeed.

I really appreciated how thoroughly Kevin prepared for our conversation, and I so enjoyed being on the air with him. Some live questions were submitted during the broadcast, too, which were fun to answer.

Listen to our conversation here, and check out Kevin’s other podcast episodes, with interviews he’s has had with a range of interesting thought leaders.

What we can learn now

Week after week, we are all finding our way through this crisis.

Our experiences vary, of course, but this is not an easy time for any of us. Even those most fortunate — to have work, to be safe, to be healthy — struggle with uncertainty, fears, new demands and concerns that weigh on them. Those less fortunate have a far heavier burden.

As we are all challenged, we also have opportunities to learn, to take stock, to pay attention, and to grow.

Where to begin? I advocate for self care and many other important ways to support yourself, but today I want to share this fruitful starting place:

Attend to your emotions 

The difficult emotions we carry have weight. You may feel a heaviness on your shoulders or tightness in your chest. Your belly may be tender. Your jaw may tend to clench and your sleep is likely to be disrupted.

Most of us are accustomed to ignoring these signs, or pushing emotions like these aside as we rush through the demands of everyday life. 

You may be doing that now, or you may be in a slower mode and facing troubling emotion — lots of it — square in the eye. 

I’m happy to tell you that there are ways to loosen the grip of troubling emotions. You can also expand positive emotions. When you learn how, your burden will be eased.

1. Get clear

Start by writing down what you are feeling — all of it. 

What are you afraid of? What’s annoying you? Who are you lonely for? What do you miss the most? What’s making you angry?

And, what is making you happy? What are good things in your life now? What has surprised you? What do you look forward to? What do you want more of?

You won’t feel every emotion on your list every day, but having written all of it, you will be clearer and can move ahead.

2. Use your emotions as fuel 

Choose an emotion on your list that you want to clear. It could be worry, or sadness, or frustration.

Next, choose a way to create, where that emotion can be your focus, or fuel. Try as many of these as appeal to you. 

Draw — Aim to make the ugliest drawing you can to express your fear, or anger, or worry. You might draw a monster who embodies that emotion. You can fill the page with words you long to shout, big and small and overlapping. Cover the paper edge to edge, using crayons or pastels or markers. Put lots of energy into it! And feel the release.

Dance — Turn up the volume on any kind of music (loud and aggressive, opera, Motown, ballads) and move. Let you body respond and release, for as long as you want. Let the emotion move through you and out.

Write — You might compose a poem, write a letter to your emotion, invent a story, or simply free-write in a journal. Let anything show up on your page as you express your emotion. Then tuck the writing away and breathe in the space you created.

Dig in the garden — Getting outside is great, but even indoor gardening is a way you can work through emotion and feel both satisfied and uplifted.

Cook — Use emotion to hack through vegetable prep, and then aim to create something surprising with the ingredients. Delight yourself as you experiment.

You can also choose an emotion on your list that you want to enhance.You can activate more of your good emotions using the same techniques listed above! Draw, dance, write, spend time in your garden or cook to expand the emotions that fill your heart, for more of that goodness!

3. Repeat as often as you need and want

Create any time there's emotion building that needs to be processed and transformed, or that you want to enhance. Experiment and see what works best for you, and explore other ways to create using emotion as fuel. 

Maybe working with your hands is special, and you enjoy needlework or crafts. Maybe you love to putter in a workshop and make or repair things. Maybe you’ll imagine starting a huge painting, that you can keep changing each time you need a place to process emotion. Maybe you will choose your camera as a creative tool to capture images that express your troubling emotion, to document this time of separation, or to lift your spirits.

Adding a small amount of creative expression each day (that you can tuck in even when life gets very busy) will improve your wellbeing. 

This is one big way you can move into what will come after the pandemic stronger, more resilient, and better positioned to create a bright future.

If you want to explore a long list of resources to help you now, I have one for you on my website. Thriving Now includes many ways you can do just that — thrive!  

All of the things on the list are tools that I and others have shared in my weekly Zoom calls. They will help you during this unique time, and long after we have moved through it. 

I am here to support you.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, April 18. Join me for this 7th weekend call, when women from all over the country will again come together to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have opened 2 more spots on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. Access my calendar to schedule a session.

And, for deeper support, to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing, I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This kind of deeply focused support can propel you forward now, on an issue that you want to address. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big and the small

In my new weekly Zoom calls (I hosted my fourth one on Sunday), and in client conversations and chats with colleagues, I am observing how people are adjusting to the remarkable time we are living through.

It is great that we are sharing so many ways we care for ourselves, cope with fear, take action, create, and serve. I am delighted at how many people are now reporting that they feel balanced, more creative, grounded, hopeful, adaptive, lucky, connected, strong, OK, and fine — all words that have been used by people in recent calls.

But some reported more difficult emotions, like petrified, at loose ends, disconnected, and waiting impatiently. And, people on the front-lines of this pandemic are stressed in countless ways.

It’s important to acknowledge that whatever our circumstances we all have ups and downs. 

We may feel like we’re doing ok and still experience signs — obvious and subtle — that we are going through a process, day by day.

Here are a few examples of what we can minimize as “small stuff.”

Many of us are not sleeping well. I have good nights, but many more fitful nights than had even been usual for me (and I hear this from others). This is a clear signal that while I may feel that I am doing well, there’s a lot about this period that is different, and my subconscious seems to be working overtime.

Many of us deeply feel the isolation. Whether it’s a longing for a loved one to be closer, or a forced distance from people we want to embrace, or the feeling that zoom meetings are simply not sufficient to connect as we want with others, this emotion sits in the heart with a sadness that is real.

Many people are finding small daily tasks to be a challenge. Things that had never required much thought — like access to fresh food, bringing packages safely into our homes, or finding necessities that are in short supply — might feel like subtle annoyances, but can actually cause a real sense of distress (not to mention that these things demand far more of our time and attention than they ever used to). 

All of these “small things” add up.

And there are small steps to take that will help, no matter what you are experiencing.

1. Structure your time

Consider the ideal pace and plan for your days. Use your calendar to schedule blocks of time — for meals, exercise, work, quiet, outreach, learning, helping your children with school work, volunteering, entertainment, creating, etc. 

You do not need to do everything every day! Choose the days and times for what you want and need, and block them in. 

Whether you are busy or have more open time than you are used to, creating predictability is a very effective form of self-care.

2. Move!

Getting exercise each day has huge benefits. Make that one element of your scheduled time every day — but do vary the ways you exercise, if you want. 

Lift weights (even if that’s with canned foods rather than dumbbells). Look for online yoga or other exercise instructors. Walk outdoors. Dance. And stretch often, when seated for long peroids of time.

Feeling strong helps you to feel agency in your life, in addition to keeping your body fit.

3. Pick some go-to resources and use them

I have created a new page on my site called Thriving Now, that includes many ways you can do just that — thrive! 

Look for a technique or practice or other resource that sparks your interest. Try out different things. Find your favorites (there are many options you are unlikely to have seen suggested elsewhere) and build them into your daily routine. 

All of the things on the list (and some are very small) are tools that I and others have shared that are big ways to support ourselves — during this unique time, and long after we have moved through it. 
 

Because we will move through this time. Many things are likely going to be different after it is safe to leave our homes. My hope is that as we move through these days with thoughtfulness and intention, we will find insights for better, more conscious ways to live and work in the future.

I am here. I want to support you.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, April 11. Join me and the wonderful group of big-hearted women from all over the country who have been coming together to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

And, for deeper support, to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing, I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. Can you imagine the way that focused support can propel you forward now? I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Overcoming the biggest obstacle

We are all moving through and adjusting to our new, shared reality day by day. 

The topic that comes up most in conversation with the people I speak to on my weekly Zoom calls and with my clients, is how we are each making our way through our days.

Some are feeling grounded. Some are struggling. All are making adjustments.

And all of us experience ups and downs. It’s important to be compassionate with yourself when you are stressed. 

The biggest obstacle we face is not new to this moment, but it is playing an out-sized role: FEAR

I get it. Things are scary. But we can give ourselves time to feel into it, and then know that we don't have to let fear cripple us. In fact, the better we can learn techniques to manage fear and shift from it, the less it will hinder us.

Try these 3 great antidotes to fear

1. Live in the Present  

When you are able to be fully present in each moment, you get the gifts in the moment. You are not spinning out future scenarios, or replaying old stories.

Worry and fear can stay on the outside of that space.

When you are living in the present you can be grateful for what is good, what is beautiful, and what is meaningful right now. 

This focused attention also enables you to create the moment you want and need. And, it invites you to create a vision for what is possible to support you, as well as consider all that is possible. Your quiet mind is able to connect to your intuition, and new ideas are likely to show up.

My book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life includes a chapter about living in the present, with practices that can help you to make being present a natural way of living. To get started right now, simply pause, take a few slow deep breaths, and notice how good that feels. There, you’ve made a start.

2. Love More  

Love is a huge antidote to fear. This is the time to stay connected! Spend time (by phone, or video call) with family, friends, business colleagues and clients.

How can you share more love? 
How can you beef up self-love with some extra self-care each day? 
How can love inspire new ways for you to be of service, or help more people? 

When you live from a place of love, everything is better and everything flows more easily. 

There’s a chapter titled Love More in my book, and there is also a gift I’ve offered in the book that helps you understand self-love and the self-critic. You can download that guide here — as well as a few guided meditations.

3. Stay in Action   

Being active is a fabulous way to keep fear at bay. And it works in a few ways:

Be physically in motion: 

Find ways to move each day. Take a walk and connect to nature and the sky. Do an on-line yoga class or other exercise class (so many great ones are available now). Get up and stretch, or dance, or both! 

Create expressively: 

Choose something that will be fun. 

• Do you love using your hands? Do some knitting or a crafty project. 

• Do you enjoy cooking (or are you learning to cook now that take-out and restaurants are not your go-to way of feeding yourself)? Play with ingredients. Try new combinations or seasonings. Plate you food with attention to beauty.

• Do you feel called to draw or play with colors? Find some markers, pencils or paints and make a little creative station (your kitchen table is fine). Or pull out some old magazines and glue, and make collages. 

• Make virtual “creative dates” with someone and share your creations.

Take steps to implement new ideas: 

Remember the new ideas that showed up when you slowed down and started living in the present? Think about what small first steps you can map out, and start doing them. Is it a new way to serve your clients, as you see new needs arise? Is it a new way to stay connected with people far away? Is it a new way you want to experiment with creativity?

Commit to taking at least one new step each day. Momentum will build, even if you find yourself iterating and adjusting. Day after day, you will be in motion!

I am here. I want to support you.

My third Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Sunday included a wonderful group of big-hearted women from all over the country. We came together to connect, share and learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times. 

I will offer another call on Sunday, April 5 at 3:00 eastern. I'm eager to guide everyone through practices and insights for more ways to live well in these times.

Register here to join me.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Finding the gifts in a difficult time

A new reality is here. Most of us are at home 24/7. (And for those working in hospitals, pharmacies, food stores and other essential jobs, you, too, are adjusting to a new reality — and the rest of us are enormously grateful to you.)

Is this stressful? Certainly.

Are people having to adjust to a range of new challenges? Yes.

Is it easy? Not at all.

Even those of us who have worked at home for years, and do not have small ones (or teens) with us ’round the clock, are finding this to be a time of enormous adjustment. 

And... we always have the opportunity to create — and in this case, to create our way through the challenge. 

The gift of this crisis is that we can each create our path forward. Lots of learning, growth and possibility are available.

In the Zoom calls I offered last week and Saturday, and in three Zoom calls I attended that were offered by colleagues I admire, a lot of insight has emerged and a lot has been shared. 

These are three big takeaways:

Gift #1  We are all in this together. 

We truly need one another now. Through the remarkable technology available, we are not completely isolated. We can support one another in myriad ways. To quote my husband: Building community is one of our best tools to persevere and maintain perspective and hope.

Gift #2  We have a lot of time, and choices for how to use it. 

Some people who are at home are extra-busy now — with their work, or caring for and teaching their children, or other demands. Many of us have more time each day — because work has slowed or stopped, because we are not commuting, because usual activities are cancelled.

We all have the same 24 hours each day we have always had. And we get to choose how to use them. The circumstances we find ourselves in offer us the opportunity to get intentional about it.

For those on the busy end of the spectrum, you can make choices and set priorities. You can create blocks of time for all that needs to be done, and NOT include things that are not important now. You can create space for self-care, even if that is simply of few 5-minute breaks to sit in quiet, or time to soak in a bath at the end of the day.

For those with more hours to fill than they are used to — those who have little work, are quarantined, have fewer commitments — there are many choices to be made. How do you want to structure your day so that you are intellectually stimulated, stay physically strong, learn new things, do something creative each day, and practice self-care? Creating time blocks for your day will help you to keep from drifting, and will reduce anxiety.

Gift #3.  We can learn and we can grow. 

I have learned and started to practice some incredibly helpful new ways to make each day work. And I have refocused on things I have learned before, that are more relevant now than ever. These are all helping me to keep anxiety low, and make each day work well.

Here are a few of my go-to practices:• I sit with my journal.  I set aside 5 to 10 minutes each day and start to write. I do not lift my pen from the paper until I have poured out my emotion, and along the way I connect new dots for new insights. This has been a game-changer for me.

• I consume less news.  I do not listen to news first thing upon waking. I choose my source with care. I have an AM check-in and listen again in the evening for a few minutes. That is plenty, and it keeps me from feeling consumed with worry.

• I do something creative.  Even a small doodle, and certainly a little more time creating provides a remarkable release. (You can get into flow as you play an instrument, do something new and different while you cook, sing to the kind of music that is calling to you, or any other way of creating. Getting stimulated out in nature is also great, and you benefit from using your body, too.)

• I spend quality time with people I love.  My husband and son are at home with me, and we have taken walks together, read aloud to each other, cooked together, and are planning for other ways to make this time special. And Facetime, Zoom and phone calls with family and friends have been incredibly meaningful. 

• I am staying physically active.  Even if the weather is bad and I do not venture out for a walk, I am making time to be active indoors. This keeps my spirits up and feels really good.

• I believe and I trust.  I remind myself that we will find our way through this. I believe that we will learn valuable lessons, and that those lessons will help us in the future. I think back to times in my life when I have been resilient in the face of terrible events. And I think back to times in history — some not so long ago — when people were able to live through fear, danger and uncertainty, and survive (and often thrive) on the other side.

• I am grateful.  I end each day with thoughts of gratitude. It is my practice as I transition to sleep. (Bonus: Both expressing gratitude and getting ample sleep are key ways I am keeping my immune system strong.)

I am here and want to support you.

My second Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday was a special time for sharing and learning. We had a wonderful group that included people dealing with an array of circumstances, from both coasts. 

I will offer another call on Sunday, March 29 at 3:00 eastern. I'm eager to share more ways to live well in these times, and eager to share the time with you.

Register here to join me.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Finding our way

We've all been saying it — what a difference a week has made. We are living in a different reality now.

Advice fills my inbox from all sorts of well-meaning, big-hearted people. So, I will keep my ideas to the point, and hope they are helpful.

1. Stay safe

There are lots of adjustments to make, but the basics are pretty straightforward. Clean hands. Clean surfaces. Stay home, and when you must go out, stay far from others and wash hands and surfaces even more diligently.

2. Lower the volume

Listening to the news all day, social media scrolling, and conversations filled with worry and rehashing are not helpful. Shift to short news check-ins two to three times a day and steer conversations in new directions (or curtail them).

3. Stay connected

We are blessed to live at a time where technology is available so that we can be in community virtually. It's not the same as in person, but it is a blessing. Tap into virtual offerings that help, such as yoga instruction, groups of like-minded people doing positive things together, online courses, and more.

And reach out to neighbors. Who needs help — even just a call to check in? We have a neighbor who offered to add our grocery needs to her list, and we will do the same for her next week. Think about how you can support others.

4. Practice gratitude

See number 3 above, and consider everything for which you can be grateful. When you look for it, there's a lot for which to be grateful!

5. Stay calm, ward off fear

Fear will not keep you safe. In fact, the stress it induces will lower your immunity. And, it clouds your thinking. We need to think clearly now more than ever! I have written about dealing fear in various contexts in past posts. You can check out this article, And this one. And one more.

This is the time to stay positive! And step #6 will help you do that.

6. Create each day

Consider your opportunities to create in two ways:

     A. Create to express yourself, dispel anxiety and open your heart. You can do this in countless ways, so try as many as you want. Start by choosing a playful frame of mind, to open your heart, then let creativity flow with ease. Doodle. Arrange food in a funny way on your plate. If you have a coloring book, spend some time with it. Play an instrument or dance to music of any kind. Collage with scraps of paper and cloth. Create on your own and invite others to join you on Zoom or post to one another in a text thread. As I said, there is no limit to how you can create. It’s a perfect way to lift your spirits.

     B. Consider how you can create new ways of serving, working, thinking. Approach everything with curiosity and ask, "What if?" as you prompt yourself to think more broadly. Is there a new way you can collaborate with colleagues? A new offering to create for your clients? Can you add value for your clients or customers? Often, constraints — like the constraints these times are imposing — can spur the most effective new ways of thinking and doing things. Challenge yourself to think differently. Reach out to people and think together about new approaches and possibilities.

7. Keep loving

Love yourself with good self-care of every kind. Love the people around you and find ways to let them know they are loved. Let love be the inspiration for all of the ways you can serve and create now. Let it be the guiding force in your life.

I am here to support you in two ways

I was moved to offer an open conversation I called Creating the Way Forward on Saturday via Zoom. It was wonderful to have time with great women to process and share and inspire one another other in many beautiful ways.

I will offer another Creating the Way Forward conversation again soon. If you are on my email list, look for an email from me, or check my posts on social media for the next session, and request a link to join in. 

And, reach out to me if you want some one-on-one support. I have opened three spots on my calendar this week for free Creating My Way calls, and will continue to offer them in the weeks ahead. Reach out to request one.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

We always get to choose

I recently got a wake-up call. You know the kind. When someone you love has died, and someone else you love is suddenly diagnosed with advanced illness, a lot shifts into perspective.

The big question that moves to the top of the mental list becomes, “What really matters?” 

And truly, that’s the question we need to be considering each day. That’s where our attention is best placed.

Do you have clarity about your priorities? If not, this is a great time to slow down and give it some thought.

Next, consider these three questions:

1. Are you choosing fear or love?

It’s easy to get caught up in fear — about viruses, about what’s around the next corner, about the political climate, and so much more.

When we allow fear to run the show we are inviting roadblocks to get in the way of what we decided was really important. 

Instead, we can orient ourselves to operate from the space of love.

What does that look like? 

It means choosing to love ourselves. We can focus on ramping up self-care, like getting plenty of sleep, and walking outdoors, or meditating to stay calm. Even something as simple as taking a minute or two to get quiet and tune into your breath works wonders.

We can also focus on love as we connect more to important people in our lives. These may be people we see every day, at home or work, as we make space for especially meaningful conversations. It may be reaching out to people we care about but have not spoken to in a long time.

When we operate with an orientation of love, we not only help ourselves and feel more positivity and happiness, but love ripples out in beautiful ways.

2. Are you choosing action?

After getting focused on what matters to you, are you setting intentions to get into action and stay in motion? Ideas are great, but many people stop there. It’s in commiting to actively doing that you will find satisfaction.

There’s a bonus to being in action, too. When we are active — whether we’re physically active, or actively engaged in an important project — fear has less opportunity to limit us.

3. Are you choosing inspiration?

There are many ways to stay energized and inspired. Rather than being caught up in drama, intentionally turn your attention to things that keep you energized.

Did you read inspiring stories on International Women's Day? Did you meet someone whose ideas are remarkable? Did you read a fabulous book or see a great film? Did you spot wonder around you (maybe see a surprising way the light filtered in your window, or hear a magical bird call)?

When you choose to bring your attention back to people and ideas and art that inspire you, you have incredible fuel to keep pursuing the things you’ve determined matter most.

We all have the opportunity to grow and expand day by day, as we make choices with care. We all have important work to bring into the world, unhindered by fear. 

What better way could there be to respond to a wake-up?

Leave a comment and share the ways you are choosing to focus your attention and efforts.

And, if you are curious about how coaching can support you to live your best life — as you are pondering what’s next, or if you feel stuck, or as you are navigating a big transition — let’s make a date to talk. Private Creative Core Coaching might be a life-changing resource for you. 

I currently have one more spot available for one-on-one coaching. And with the exciting activity that’s developing around my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, I may not be taking on additional private clients for some time. 

If you are ready to take a serious step to start living the life you yearn for, it can start here.

Why to watch your words

The words we use have more power than most of us realize. It’s interesting that we typically pay more attention to how we communicate with others than how we speak to ourselves.

When you consider how you speak to yourself, you may be surprised at what you notice and surprised at the big impact this awareness can have.

Two kinds of self-talk to watch out for

The messages you send yourself

Self-talk is that chatter in your head, that most of don’t pay much attention to. It can often take the form of doubt, as in, “You can’t do that,” or, “Why even try?” It can sound like, “Who do you think you are?” 

And negative self-talk often includes a multitude of “shoulds.” How many time a day do you tell yourself, “I should... ”? 

A  variation of a “should” statement is one like, “Everyone expects that I will...”

These may show up so frequently that they feel “normal.” But this self-talk is insidious. 

Can you notice when thoughts like these crop up? Awareness is a key first step to shifting to new, more self-compassionate, more positive ways of thinking.

The way you send yourself signals

When you want to change a habit, or do something new and differently, you may be inadvertently making it harder on yourself because of the words you use.

Here’s an example: 

If you want to get more exercise, you might say, “I’m trying to get to the gym more often.” If you change that statement to, ”I go to the gym twice a week,” you declare something clearly, and signal yourself specifically. This small change will have a big impact.

Another way new signals can work for you is when things are a struggle. If you think, “I just can’t stop eating sugar,” try this instead: “I am cutting back day by day, but haven’t been able to cut all sugar from my diet yet.”

Adding the word “yet” gives your subconscious mind an important signal. You won’t feel defeated, and are thus likely to continue your efforts and feel more motivated. You will gently encourage yourself that this is a process and you are making progress.

Change starts with awareness

Spend the day with a bit of observation about your self-talk. You may want to keep some notes about the messages you are sending yourself, and how you are choosing your words.

Are you sending negative messages or encouraging, loving messages to yourself?

Do you see any patterns in your self-talk observations?  

Where do you have opportunities to make small adjustments that will lead to better outcomes?

All of the messages you send yourself are important. Your words have power. As you speak to yourself with more care and intention, your life will begin changing in beautiful ways. 

Leave a comment to let me know what you observe, and the impact of your awareness.

And, if having support to help you make small changes — that are key to making bigger changes in your life — feels like a smart step as you are thinking about what’s next, or if you feel stuck, or you are facing a big transition, let’s make a date to talk about how private Creative Core Coaching might be a life-changing resource for you. 

I have just opened two spots for one-on-one coaching. And with all of the activity that’s been developing around my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, I don’t know when I will be taking on new private clients after this. 

If you are ready to take a serious step to start living the big life you know is possible, it can start here.

Looking for small ways to shift your day?

Who doesn't like a quick fix? Something easy to do that will have a big impact?

After all, when you feel like there’s more on your to-do list than is possible to get done, having a small way to make a big impact is just what is needed.

I have been there! I totally get that there are many days when you wish you could take a yoga class, or go for a run, or cook a great healthy meal, but it just isn’t in the cards.

So, when I have days like that, I turn to one, two, or all three of my go-to, sure-fire ways to bring myself back to center and shift into a calmer mindset

These small gems also have other pay-offs. When I take a minute (yes, a mere minute) to use one or two of of these super-tools, I am not only more productive, I come up with better ideas and get better results.

Three super-easy, surprisingly powerful tools you can use any time you feel overwhelmed

1. Breathe

Yes, I know. We all breathe all the time. What I am suggesting is that you breathe for one minute in quiet, with the intention of feeling yourself breathe.

Focus to feel the sensation of a deep satisfying breath that fills your belly, and then exhale slowly and fully. Even one clock minute of this kind of breathing can shift your nervous system in big ways. 

2. Look for wonder

Even if you are inside, maybe in an office, or when you are busy in your home, there is wonder in your midst. It may be as small as an unusual shadow on the wall, or a bird’s chirp, or catching a subtle aroma. You might see a color combination that surprises you, catch a reflection on a glass surface, or notice the way the window frames an interesting composition when you look out at a particular angle.

When we pause to notice small moments of wonder like these, we give ourselves a precious gift. Just looking for wonder slows us down for a moment or two. And the awareness of that wonder reduces stress, opens up our hearts, and catalyzes inspired thinking.

3. Express gratitude

f you already paused to breathe, or looked for wonder, or both, taking an extra moment to think about how grateful you are for those experiences adds to the benefits you will reap.

But you can choose gratitude on its own, any time. A small pause to acknowledge how grateful you are, for anything (a kind gesture, a smile from a stranger, a prompt reply from a colleague, sunshine, even a new idea you just had) has been shown to improve mood, increase productivity, enhance happiness and more.

Why not jot down 5 things for which you are grateful in the short pause you take, and see what happens? 

Test one of these today!

After all, concepts are one thing. Experience is another. So, even if you don’t feel pushed to your limits, start today and see what happens.

Try the same tool again tomorrow, or test another of them, or try combining two or three. When you experiment and find what works best for you, make a point to continue using these techniques. The benefits are cumulative!

And if you want to learn more about these three tools, and many other small but powerful ways to create your best life, they are included in my book Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. 

Living big does not have to be daunting. Start small. Experience the benefits. You will feels shifts in ways you may not be able to even imagine right now.

I’d love for you to leave a comment and let me know how these approaches work for you.

And, if you are ready to consider taking bigger action to make big shifts — to figure out what’s next, or get unstuck, or navigate a big transition — to live the big life you yearn for, apply for an Introductory Coaching Call session with me, to talk about how private Creative Core Coaching might be a resource for you.

I am opening up two spots for one-on-one coaching starting next month. And with all of the activity that’s been generated by the book, I don’t know when I will be taking on new private clients after this.

What small step will you take to live big today? They are all important. Start now.

My holiday gift for you

Whether you are busy cooking, or traveling, hanging out and relaxed, or stressed over last-minute tasks as this email catches your eye, the holidays are impacting all of in us in one way or another.

I have a few wishes — and invitations — for you right now (that I welcome you to share as widely as you like).

I wish you holidays filled with light and love.
I wish you time to savor all that is wonderful in your life.
I invite you to create space to contemplate what you truly want.
I invite you to look for opportunities for rich conversations.
I invite you to create from the energy of whatever emotions show up, in any way you are moved to do that.
I invite you to bring play and laughter into your life.
I invite you to remember the importance of self-care, and do something special for yourself every day.
I invite you to slow down so that everything will be easier (and better).
I wish you happy anticipation about the possibilities that lie ahead for you.
I wish you willingness and commitment to pursue what deeply matters to you.
I wish you peace and joy.

Sent to you with love and gratitude.

Can you simply pause?

This is such a busy time of year!

Year-end work demands, coupled with holiday parties, selecting gifts for people we love, planning for celebrations with family and friends, cooking, possible travel, and more, can feel like too much to juggle.
It's just at hectic times like these that we most need to pause. 

It sounds simple, and yet stopping to pause is something most of us fail to do.

The power of a minute or two to simply sit and breath is remarkable.

And, it feels daunting to so many of us.

Even when you set an intention to pause a couple of times in your day, you may be so busy you don’t actually take those pauses. So, here’s how to get started.

I suggest you schedule a couple of 2-minute pauses in tiny windows between activities to get started making this a practice.

When the appointed time arrives — or if you simply know a pause will help in the rush of your day — find a quiet spot and set a timer. And if a quiet spot is not available (say, you’re in a busy airport), go for it where you are!

You might want to pause for one minute, or two minutes may sound great. Knowing the timer is on will keep your mind from wondering how long it’s been. 

Take a big shrug, then release and relax your muscles. And breath.

That’s it. Nothing special, no mantras required. Just get quiet.

When your timer goes off, see if you can bring some of that quiet feeling into your next task or conversation.

If you try this for a few days and find it as helpful as I do, you will likely find yourself taking these pauses more frequently. And you’ll reap the benefits in lots of ways.

Leave a comment to let me know how this works for you. 

A time for self-awareness and self-care

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with love, gratitude and good company.

We are now at the start of a new week, and a new month. It’s December — the last month of 2019, and the last month of this decade!

You may feel inspired and fired up as you think about the ways you want to end the year and move into the new decade. If so, go for it!

And… I am hearing from many of my clients and acquaintances that they are feeling pressured, and many are finding motivation hard to come by.

If you relate to feeling a lack of motivation to go big right now, it’s easy to start beating yourself up.

But I invite you to consider that there’s another way to look at things.

Give up the struggle

The idea that you are a slacker if you are not always in high gear, feeling fired up, and planning and doing on a grand scale, is fueled by external messages.

We are bombarded with advice on how to “crush it” — crush our goals, crush it at work, crush our workouts at the gym. The language itself is enough to stress you out.

And, you may be wired to push yourself hard. I’m all for high standards and commitment, but many of us hear a persistent inner voice that propels us to go way overboard, and belittles us when we don’t.

Especially as we head into a busy holiday season and the end-of-year demands at work, this is the perfect time to be gentle with yourself.

Pushing too hard is counterproductive

When you try and muscle through, you not only exhaust yourself and feel awful (physically and/or emotionally), you are likely to get less done.

When you slow down and focus on something important (rather than lot of things and at a frantic pace), you will get more done. I had a hard time believing it would work, until I tried it.

Now, when I feel overwhelmed, I choose something that is deserving of my attention. I put everything else aside for a while. I gently bring my focused attention to that effort. The results of taking this approach are always terrific, and so satisfying.

Listen to your body and your emotions

If you feel the need to slow down, by all means build in time for more rest, more thoughtfulness, more time with cherished people, more ease.

The messages you receive from your inner voice and your intuition are always reliable. Our bodies may demand that we slow down, too. If we are not tuned in and responsive, a GI upset or nasty cold may show up and force us to slow down.

Self-care is rarely high on our to-do lists, but it’s so important! No matter how much there is to be done, be sure you honor yourself and build self-care into your days.

This is a time to create with intention

When a lack of motivation or the need to take things a bit slower shows up (and your self-care plan for a soak in the tub, savoring a soothing cup of tea, taking a nap, or going for a walk is in place), try adopting a new approach.

Think about what you desire. What is important right now? What matters? You may want to do some journaling to explore ideas. (And if you’ve learned it, put my Discovery Dozen™ exercise to work.)
Then gently bring your focus to that matter. If you feel clear about the steps to take, start in slowly and with focus. Acknowledge yourself for taking a small, doable step. Then take the next one — and acknowledge yourself again.

If you are unsure about what you want to focus on, get curious. What are the options to consider for moving ahead? With an idea or two, ask: What interesting approaches can I devise to test out this idea? This is a moment to bring creativity forward and explore possibilities.

Commit to making a small effort and seeing how it works out. Celebrate the wins, and adjust course when better ideas and new insights emerge.

And continue on the path — gently.

You don't need to struggle. Momentum will build naturally.

I’d love to hear about how you are feeling now, and what you want to approach with ease. Leave a comment below.

And if you are looking for clarity, focus, momentum and accountability in your life, let’s talk. I will be enrolling a new group coaching program early next year, and it may be the perfect opportunity for you as we move into 2020. I’ll be happy to tell you about it.

Has the time come to change a relationship (or two)?

In my recent post, I encouraged you to think about the people with whom you spend time. I asked you to think about who lifts you up, and if there are relationships you find challenging, or downright unhealthy.

I provided some guidance for how to think about people on the difficult end of that spectrum, if any come to mind.

Check it out, in case you missed it.

After providing some mindset scaffolding to help you consider what can be an uncomfortable issue, I posed two questions to ask yourself if you determine that making a change in the relationship will be in your best interest — if, like a tree or shrub, some pruning of the relationship is called for.

Here are the questions I offered for you to consider:

• Do I want to set a boundary, so that I will stay in contact with this person, but with less frequency?
• Is it time to disengage from this person completely?

Depending on which question you answered with a “Yes,” here’s how you can take action.

How to lovingly set a boundary on the number, or frequency, of interactions you have

Perhaps you are weary of daily calls, frequent texts, or a routine way of getting together with someone. (This could be anything from an obligatory weekly meal to an annual outing that you are ready to move on from.)

If you’ve concluded that staying in the relationship would be fine if the times and ways you connected were less intrusive, initiate a change. Think about how much happier you will be after setting better boundaries.

Plan to have a brief conversation

It may feel harder to speak with someone than to send a letter or an email. But this is a relationship that has a degree of importance to you (or you would opt to end it), and a conversation honors that. Further, sending a written message can be tricky, as the tone you intend to convey may be misconstrued by the reader.

Thoughtful preparation is in order. This is an opportunity to think creatively about the change you want to propose.

You might say that while you value the relationship and want to stay in touch, you are focused on important commitments in your life and you need to switch to a monthly or seasonal check-in — or some other proposed change.

Well in advance of an unappealing annual event, you can let that person know that your plans have changed this year, or that your time together will be shorter, or that you have an alternative location to suggest — or some other idea for how to stay connected.

Keep your communication simple and direct

Don’t allow yourself to be pulled into drama, if that shows up. Focus on love for yourself as well as for that person, and loving energy will come across.

When it’s time to disengage from a relationship and move on

If you realize there's a toxic dimension to being in relationship to this person and you’d be happier and healthier without them in your life, this is the time to initiate a change.

Your message can be expressed with kindness

While a conversation is often ideal, written communication can work as well, or may be better. Base your decision on the approach that will work best with that person, and try not to let fear enter into your reasoning.

Stay clear of drama. Calmly communicate that you need to take an extended break, or that it's time for you to move on from the relationship. It’s not necessary to over-explain or to be accusatory — focus on your need to make this change. As noted above, keep the communication simple and direct, and keep love in your heart as you speak or write.

Will it be easy to initiate changes like these?

Depending on the relationship you are thinking about, it may call on you to dig deep for courage — and a commitment to your own needs — to take a step like this.

And, it may be easier to make this change than you imagine.

If you are wavering, consider this important question:

Do you value yourself enough to take this step?

This question may touch a nerve. I have been there, and I’ve guided many of my clients to take courageous action like this.

It helps to think about how you will feel after you’ve moved ahead.

Envision the benefits of making this change

As I have experienced and seen many times, being on the other side of making a change that you are called to initiate is a great place to be. It opens space and possibilities and opportunities. It brings a feeling of lightness into your life.

And you will experience your ability to do something important, that will help you take more courageous action in the future.

I hope you will choose to surround yourself with people who truly support you, believe in you, and want only the best for you. Pruning unhealthy relationships has terrific rewards — and will set the stage for you to thrive!

Leave a comment below if you have thoughts to share about this subject.

And, if you want to talk about what it could look like to have support to bring important changes like these into your life, let’s schedule a call and talk about that (it’s a complimentary call). Start by answering some questions, so I’ll know more about what’s on your mind, and we’ll get the process started.

The people around you

Take a minute and think about the people with whom you spend time.

Why is this important?

The energy of the people around you has an impact — on your mood, your confidence, your outlook and your overall wellbeing.

And you get to choose with whom you engage.

Sure, there are some people in your life who may challenge you and with whom your connection is somewhat fixed. Family members, neighbors, and coworkers come to mind. Even in such relationships, making adjustments to the way you engage is possible.

I have had many clients, all accomplished women, tell me they have hung on to — and tolerated — relationships and “friendships” that drag them down. People who are needy, or judgmental, or envious (if not jealous), and who are takers more than givers. Some of those people demonstrate resentment for the positive changes they see my clients making, and are subtly critical, or try and seed doubts.

We’ve all had people like this come in and out of our lives.

If a relationship with such a person has been in place for a long time (a childhood friend, a pal from college, a colleague from the past) — or even with someone who recently came into your life — it’s easy to feel stuck with it. You may feel guilty just thinking about initiating a change.

But you owe it to yourself to change things that impede your ability to live your best life. And sometimes that means pruning relationships.

Pruning a shrub can mean cutting it back to make it healthier. And sometimes the shrub needs to be replaced, or needs to be removed for more light to fill your garden.

And so it can be with relationships.

Here’s what to do if you are thinking of someone who is not a positive force in your life.

Start with some mindset work to help you get clear

Set aside some time to get clear about the issues you have with that person. You need to be honest about problematic issues.

Self-love will help if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable embarking on this process. Check out some self-love information and advice I've shared before and see how focusing on some solid self-love can help you navigate this exploration.

Next, try this process

1. To take an honest look at the concerns you have about your interactions with this person, make a list or do some free writing to pour out your thoughts. Fill a page or two with everything on your mind.

2. If you determine that this relationship is sub-optimal, it’s time to get really clear about how making a change in the relationship will support your wellbeing.

A good way to do that is to make a new two-column list. On the left side, write the costs to you of staying in relationship with this person as you are now. On the right side, list the benefits you will experience if you initiate a change.

3. If you are clear that you would be better off without the negative impact of a trying relationship, and are willing to make a commitment to initiate a change, consider asking yourself these big questions:

Do I want to set a boundary, to stay in contact but with less frequency?
Do I want to disengage completely?

These questions may make you feel a bit shaky. Just sit with them for now. You do not need to rush into action, or fuss about what action to take.

I will guide you to moving forward on a pruning process — to set new boundaries, or to disengage — in my next post.

Until then, leave a comment me and share what insights you have about the people with whom you are choosing to surround yourself — in every part of your life.

Who are the people who truly support you, believe in you, and want only the best for you?
And who may need to be pruned to allow you to truly thrive?

A movie that will change you

Having heard rave reviews about the film, Maiden, I was sure I would enjoy it.

I knew it was about the first all-female crew to race in the Whitbread Around the World Challenge yacht race, so I expected to be inspired. This award-winning documentary did not disappoint.

The suspense of the race was certainly riveting and the documentary was wonderfully made.

But the most remarkable part of the film was the seeing the determination and commitment of the young Tracy Edwards. She decided to embark on the audacious effort of getting funding for a suitable boat and recruiting an all-female crew — in 1989. And, having done both, she courageously lead that crew through challenges that would have crushed most of us.

Against tremendous odds, she persevered — she found a way to make all of it happen. She withstood withering ridicule from the press and her sailing peers. She coped with enormous doubts and crushing pressure. And she never gave up.

She not only showed the world it could be done — she grew in immeasurable ways. As did her fabulous crew.

Watch the trailer here. Then find a theater where it’s playing, and go to see it. Every minute of this film is worth savoring.