How to be a positive thinker (really!)

Thinking — it’s something we do all day, every day. And most of us rarely pause to consider the impact of what we think about.

I invite you to take a pause with me now.

Consider that, with awareness, your thoughts can become a super-power in your life.

The power of positivity

When you consciously focus on positive things (such as things you desire, new ideas and possibilities that excite you, or anything else that lights you up) and hold your focus on what’s possible and great outcomes, wonderful things happen.

Many of us start thinking about something that excites us and quickly shift to thinking about all the reasons it will be impractical, or hard to achieve, or we conjure a host of possible obstacles.

With intention, you can choose to stay with, or return to, the energy that excited you to begin with.

Not only will your positive thoughts keep you focused on taking action toward your desired outcomes, the energy you exude will impact everyone around you in great ways.

Your positivity and enthusiasm will naturally excite others, and it will attract people to support you.

Positive thoughts lead to positive energy, and that energy can be sustained and expand, even as you navigate challenges along the way.

How to avoid the pitfalls of worry, fear and doubt

Try these strategies whenever you struggle to think positive thoughts.

1. Turn around negative emotions

When you trust yourself and follow your heart, it is easier to connect to positive energy than you may think.

That said, we all have times when we feel low — we are human!

When that happens, you may want to wallow there, or you may want to ignore the feelings.

Instead, get quiet and sit with the emotion. Feel it. And from there you can “exercise” that emotion to transform it.

How?

Create with it!

For example, you might write out your feelings of sadness in a poem, or make a picture that expresses your frustration or confusion. You can dig in a garden, or dance to loud music, or hammer away in a workshop to release anger. Approaches like these help you to get the emotion offloaded from your thoughts and help you to feel lighter. From that place you can calmly refocus on the positive.

2. Tune out negativity around you

We sometimes find ourselves in the company of people who are filled with negative energy. It’s easy to be drawn into that unhappiness, anger, anxiety, or fear.

With awareness, you can keep from falling into the trap of absorbing negative contagions.

Start by finding a quiet place to sit and breathe in silence. When you focus on the present moment and your breath, you can separate yourself from the negative energy. If you breathe this way for as little as two minutes — or longer if possible — you will feel a shift. Or, you may want to sit and listen to a guided meditation, or walk in a quiet beautiful place. Any of these will help you find peace.

After that recentering, you can make a choice. Maybe you will not return to the conversation, or choose not to be in proximity to the person or group that was filled with negativity. Maybe you will return, but will state your point of view and declare that that you will bring a positive frame to discussing the situation.

Knowing how to get back to center will enable to start thinking positively, and choose the way you want to take action.

3. Adopt an abundant mindset

Rather than waiting to respond to negativity, you can preempt much of it when you embrace an abundant mindset.

How to begin?

Try incorporating one or more of these approaches in your day-to-day life:

• Focus on appreciation and gratitude. When you tune in to all there is to appreciate in your life, every day can automatically be filled with thoughts of gratitude.

• Choose to be generous. Be generous with your time. Be generous with your thoughts — yes, you can look for the best in people, realizing most people are doing the best they can. Be generous with money. Be generous with expressions of appreciation to others.

• Welcome abundance. This means feeling deserving and being ready and open to receiving more love, more income, more happiness, more kindness.

• Be curious. Ask yourself questions like, “What if it's possible that...?” and “What can I create now?” No matter the circumstances, you can always think creatively and create your next best, most positive step forward.

• Reframe. There is nearly always a way to reframe a less-than-optimal situation. Ask yourself how you might see it with fresh eyes to find the positive — or how you might find a way to turn things around.

An abundant mindset is a huge asset we can all cultivate.

Why not shift your thoughts today?

There’s no time like the present to consider how much your thoughts are focused on the positive, and to pay attention to when your thoughts dwell on the negative. And no time like now to choose the way that most appeals to you to build or expand an abundant mindset.

With ongoing awareness and practice, you will quickly realize any time your thoughts sink into negativity, and you can refer to these suggestions to shift your focus back to the positive.

Like any change you want to bring into your life, developing a habit of being a positive thinker will take practice. You may want to pick out a small journal to keep on hand and make notes to track how things are going as you focus on this new approach to your thoughts. It will help you to more quickly make positive thinking an automatic way of living.

This superpower is free for you to cultivate. Please let me know how it works for you!

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Do you struggle when making decisions?

Do you dither?

It can be challenging to be decisive. Even the smartest people can find it hard to make decisions — chronically or sporadically.

I recall this challenge myself, years back, when I owned my design firm. I was asked by my team to please make faster decisions!

I was aware of taking my time to be sure I was thinking things through carefully, but had no idea that my slow decision-making was a problem for my team. I was holding them up.

They assured me that even if I made an “imperfect” decision, they would be fine moving ahead and we could course-correct if needed.

Did it sting to hear that? It did a little. Was it helpful to hear it? Yes!

Why it can be hard to make decisions

In my case, indecisiveness was rooted in perfectionism.

I had a deep-seated belief that I had to be perfect — and perfectionism is a powerful way the self-critic loves to show up to sabotage us. (You can read more about perfectionism and what to do about it here.)

I came to realized that I thought there had to be a perfect solution in response to any question or choice. Thus, deep down I felt that every decision I made had to be perfect.

Overly-deliberating about decisions was just one of many ways that perfectionism got in my way in those days! I was not conscious of it then, but it became clear that perfectionism was the underlying driver of my indecisiveness.

Fear — of failure, of conflict, of judgement, and more — is another cause of indecisiveness.

Fear is another huge way the self-critic steps in to limit us.

(You can learn about the self-critic, and the role of self-love to cope with the many ways the self-critic shows up, in the free guide I offer as a gift in my book.)

Fear of failure is incredibly common, and it’s a close cousin of perfectionism.

Many people fear making decisions because their decision may rock the boat and cause conflict. Or they fear that others will criticize their choice.

Some fear feeling remorse for a decision.

Fears like these can prompt people to push off making any decision at all.

Perhaps you are an over-thinker.

Some people believe they must think everything through from every possible vantage point. And there are times when it is wise to be very thorough in reviewing a matter.

However, over-thinking can become a habit and a crutch. It is often an indicator that procrastination is at play (and procrastination is yet another way the self-critic steps in to get in our way). 

Anxiety or depression may be making it hard for you to make decisions.

Anxiety and depression can make it very difficult for people to make decisions. The need to make decisions can make them feel overwhelmed. 

How I made faster decisions with less stress

The insight that I was holding others up by being indecisive, and hearing that they welcomed me to make faster decisions without assurance that my decisions would all be perfect (which is, of course, impossible to predict) freed me. 

I was able to trust myself to make decisions. I had “permission” to refine and make changes from that point forward.

It was a game-changer for me!

It opened the way for me to think expansively about what was possible, listen to my intuition, and make faster decisions.

I came to appreciate that I could continue to modify and create next steps as we moved forward.

Decisions that had felt so monumental began to look like steps along a path that was ongoing and full of possibility.

Adopting this approach can work similarly if fear is the factor that drives indecision, or over-thinking and procrastination are the root cause.

If you are aware that anxiety or depression are factors for you, I suggest you talk about that with a counselor, therapist or another medical professional.

What decisions are you making now?

As the world is opening up now, we have many new opportunities and many of us face making decisions of all sorts.

This can be exciting, or can bring on a sense of overwhelm. 

I urge you to try and approach making decisions with a new frame of mind, much as I learned to do. 

And if you feel called to make decisions now about the future you want to create, I’d be glad to meet with you. The next Live Big Live! starts soon, and it may be a great resource for you at this moment when so much possibility is on the horizon. 

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. There's no obligation or cost for us to talk.

Scheduling this call may prove to be the best decision you make today.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

You can let go of fear and perfectionism, too!

It’s June! As we head into the summer, and having been vaccinated so we can start reconnecting with the world, I am reflecting on what was happening in my life last year at this time.

Of course, we were in lockdown and unsure about how long our confined way of living would last. Months of living in the pandemic served as an impetus for me to think about how I wanted to make changes in my life.

That’s when I started to create something new. Something bold.

I realized wanted to work with clients in a new way. I wanted to serve them at an even higher level, so they would reap even bigger results, and I wanted to design a program that would allow for more joy in my life.

I yearned for more time to write and more time to paint. I craved more unscheduled space in my life, which is something I help my clients do all the time, but had not done so much for myself. It was time to make a change.

My creative process was different last year than in the past

Like many people, when I embark on creating something big from scratch, I feel excited anticipation mixed with feelings of uncertainty about the outcome.

Years ago, that uncertainty made me super-nervous. I had been a perfectionist for most of my life.

Because I was so consumed with being sure the outcomes would be great, there were things I dreamed of doing but never started. And there were things I started and either did not finish, or spent so much time perfecting that they took way longer to bring into the world than they might have. I also endure a huge amount of stress along the way.

But having learned to be a creator in every part of my life over the last decade, I now welcome the process of diving in, ideating, testing, iterating, and seeing how things go. Going through the creative process without trepidation is amazing!

I trust myself and find joy in creating in a bold way — even when the quality of the end product can’t be foreseen or guaranteed at the start.

What I created changed me, and changed my clients

What I launched last August was my first Live Big Live! program — the first of what are now three retreats I lead each year.

And I just had the joy of leading the third Live Big Live! — for Spring 2021. The retreat took place last Thursday, Friday and Saturday and I am still processing the experience.

And while every part of the three days we spent together at the retreat was amazing, the program actually started 45 days before. I decided, as I created the program, that I wanted women to have a deeper experience than would be possible if we came together for three days without a foundation.

The remarkable group of women in this cohort started on their path to Living Big on April 18. They were immersed in a 6-week preparatory journey together. It provided self exploration and enabled them to arrive at the retreat having bonded as a group, and ready to do truly transformative work.

I witnessed each of them step into new ways of trusting themselves, and I witnessed them release fear.

I witnessed generous support for one another as they each went deep into their hearts to connect to their desires and shape their visions for the future.

I also witnessed them do powerful creative work each day at the retreat, where clarity emerged, insights appeared and new possibilities were realized.

And while we hit on many tender places and tears were shed from time to time, I witnessed joy, delight and celebration.

I have been able to combine the power of group and private coaching, and usher in life-changing transformations in ways that bring me enormous joy. This creative endeavor, that I initiated a year ago, has resulted in all of the outcomes I was seeking.

What are you ready to create in your life?

Is it time for you to figure out what’s next, or get unstuck? Time to stop living with fear as the driver? Time to get help navigating a transition? Are you ready to break through barriers in your work or business, or reach higher than ever before? Do you sense there’s more that’s possible for you, but cannot figure it out?

The next Live Big Live! will kick off in mid-August, for a retreat at the start of October. I am already in conversation with women about the next retreat, and I am delighted that it will be live again (as we were able to be last October).

It’s not too soon to think about this opportunity.

If you are ready to bring remarkable change into your life with love, support, and guidance, and ready to create your future with clarity and confidence, let’s talk soon.

To learn more about Live Big Live! and to see if you’d be a fit to join us, you can set up a free call with me.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The power of your mindset may surprise you

I have lots of conversations with women who are contemplating their lives and their futures. I listen to them describe the desires they have and the challenges that stand in their way. As I listen, I tune in to their orientation to themselves and the world.

I listen for signs of a mindset that is limited, or what Carol Dweck calls a “fixed mindset,” as well as indicators that they have what Dweck calls a “growth mindset” in her renowned book, Mindset.

I call that an expansive mindset.

Why do I pay attention to that?

Because the deep work I do with my clients leads to success for those with many characteristics of an expansive mindset.

Someone with a deeply fixed mindset is not able to benefit in the same way. A fixed mindset will not only frustrate her, it will frustrate me.

Your mindset can support you to becoming a powerful creator

Your outlook on the world impacts how you live each day — and how you can begin to live an even more satisfying life tomorrow than today.

And while none of us embodies a expansive mindset in every dimension of our lives, those of us who begin with (or endeavor to fully develop) an expansive mindset have a smoother path to creating a life that truly satisfies them — what I call living big.

What, specifically, does an expansive mindset look like?

• You have an expansive mindset when you appreciate your gifts and talents. And you believe that you can develop and expand those talents and skills.

• You see potential and believe that you can figure things out, rather than being pessimistic or allowing yourself to feel defeated.

• You learn to add a powerful little word to sentences like these: “I don’t know how to do that,” or “I can’t accomplish my goal.” By changing statements like those to: “I don’t know how to do that yet,” and “I haven’t yet accomplished my goal,” you are open and ready and motivated to continue and succeed.

• You believe that you can always learn and grow.

• You believe that you can figure things out — yourself, or with help.

• You try new things without fear. You experiment, and when early attempts fall short, you refine and try new approaches. You focus on solutions, believing in your ability as a creator to find solutions.

• You take consistent action. This means you focus on the journey, not just the destination.

• You learn from every new experience — the great ones, and the tough ones — knowing all of them inform you and help you continue to learn and grow.

• You don’t compare yourself to others (which is always a bad idea). Rather, you are inspired by others, and you can support, encourage and celebrate them — even if they are “ahead” of you in some ways.

• You are true to yourself and your values.

• You keep fear at bay. This doesn't mean you don’t ever feel fear, but you learn to keep it from stopping or limiting you.

• You are open and curious, you listen, and you learn.

• You believe that life is good, even when you are moving through rough patches. When the going is tougher (which is inevitable from time to time), you shift to hope and optimism. You trust yourself.

• You surround yourself with others who are like-minded, who also approach the world with an expansive mindset.

Do you see yourself in this list?

Few of us can “check off” all the boxes on the list above! Even those who have focused on personal development and are doing well need to return to practices that keep them on course with an expansive mindset.

And those who have not yet embarked on personal development work may have more than a few unchecked boxes. That’s ok.

When you start with enough of a foundation in an expansive mindset, and a deep desire to grow and create your ideal life, you can step up to developing more of it.

And you can stay on course, too, especially when you have good tools and when you have support.

Are you looking to leverage your expansive mindset for more growth?

If you want to step up in your life to become the biggest and best version of yourself, and start creating the future you deeply desire, I invite you to share your challenges and your dreams with me. You can also learn how I may be able to help you make those dreams a reality.

Let’s hop on a call. Click here to grab a spot on my calendar. I promise you will gain new insights and perspective on what’s possible for you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How I'm coping now — and you can, too

Is the winter weather, the strain of pandemic limitations, and the need for continued isolation getting to you?

I’m hearing lots of people describe that after nearly a year, filled with ups and downs, this has become a particularly challenging time for them. Some describe it as feeling like they are “hitting the wall.”

People everywhere crave connection. Many feel lonely. I, too, long to be with people I love and have not touched or held for months. I long to be with friends I have only seen on a screen, long to be able to safely hop a plane and go to see my dad and sisters, and long for the simple pleasure of being able to be in a busy place with people all around me, without worry about getting sick. 

Some of us are vaccinated (or in my case, have had the first of 2 shots) and others must wait for the day they will be able to be vaccinated. The thought of being with others, safely visiting a museum, or eating inside of a favorite cafe is so enticing.

And, we are not there... yet.

Even as our patience is being tested, we get to choose how to respond.

Can you see this moment as an opportunity?

Whenever you are struggling there is always an invitation to respond in new ways.

See if these approaches help you.

1. Try out a new way to cope with tough emotions

My work is all about creating, and the thing most people do not know — that I learned when I studied Psycho-Creativity — is that we have an amazing resource available to us when we create with the energy of difficult emotions. We can actually transform the “load” of emotional stress we feel.

If you want to try it, there are many possibilities.

You can crank up intense music and dance out your frustration, or anger, or whatever way you are feeling upset. You can grab some crayons and make a series of hideous pictures — to make the angry feelings visual. You can hammer away in a workshop to “download” the upsetting feelings and find relief, or furiously chop up the veggies for your salad.

Since the start of the pandemic, I have turned to this way of finding release when I paint. Each time I am in my studio I allow all my emotions to come up. I connect to my heart and sometimes find myself in tears.

My work has changed a lot over the last year. Some canvases are a mess, and I simply keep reworking them. Some paintings emerge successfully, and a few have been in juried exhibitions. Honestly, I don't really care that much. My time in the studio has been an important way for me to deal with the fear, pain and loss I’ve been feeling, and I am deeply grateful for the outlet.

2. You can choose to reframe the situation and focus on gratitude

Yes, this year has been a long haul. You may have kids doing distance learning. You may have had work disruptions. You may have been ill, or lost someone you love. The degree to which we have personally experienced difficulties in the last year varies a lot, and I am not suggesting we minimize the difficulties.

Right now, my son, his wife and their two small children all have COVID. After staying safe for nearly a year, the virus came into their home from the school of my 21-month old granddaughter. I am so grateful that the illness has not been severe for any of them. And yet, it is deeply upsetting that they are ill, and it feels incredibly hard not being there to help them.

My reframe looks like this:

In spite of having been confined, and having had to bury my mother last summer without the comfort of loved ones around us, and the worry I feel about my children and grandchildren who are ill, I choose to focus on many blessings.

• Most members of my family have stayed safe, and my son and his family are making a steady recovery.

• We have found new ways to stay connected and help one another.

• We have created novel ways to be happy together.

• Our new national leaders are addressing the pandemic, as well as many other vitally important issues that aim to bring more safety and justice to the people of our country.

• Love has carried us on its wings.

And my daily gratitude practice, when I remind myself of 3 or more things for which I can be grateful at the end of each day, has been enormously helpful.

3. You can leverage the power of visualization

I am a big believer in visualization. Much the way Olympic athletes envision a strong start (as they are on the starting block, or are about to set up their next dive) and then envision having an excellent performance, we can use the power of visualization in our lives.

On a daily basis, we can start the day by envisioning how we want to feel at the end of a conversation, or when completing a task, or even how we want to feel at the end of the day. Holding that vision can bring powerful results.

And you can set a vision for the way you want to feel and what you want to be doing when the weather gets warm in the months ahead. Imagine the scene and savor the vision. Then you are likely to take steps that will make the vision your reality. 

And consider your vision for your life a year from now. What does that vision include? This is a great time to create that vision.

Then, consider how you can keep the vision fresh in your mind. (Hint: you might want to make a vision board to keep it present in your life each day. You may want to register now for my Dream Big Vision Board Workshop in May.)

If you don’t want to go it alone anymore, do reach out

I am hearing from many accomplished women who are ready to get support and help to move beyond the challenges of the day-to-day and make meaningful strides to create the futures they long for. 

If you want to explore what it can look like to become a confident and powerful creator of the future you desire — whether you know what that vision looks like already, or are trying to figure it out — your first step can be to reach out for a conversation.

It’s easy to do. You can book a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me, or email me and we’ll make a date to talk.

I promise to provide you with new insights and perspectives, and I may be able to help you start creating the life you want and deserve. There’s no cost for us to talk, and please know this — if either of us feels the fit is not good, that’s absolutely fine.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The magic that happens when love expands

We are heading into Valentine’s Day weekend, and messages abound about special ways to show love to the important people in our lives.

It’s wonderful to have a day focused on love. In fact, I think about love every day.

I think about self-love as a foundation for being a powerful creator in my life, and how important it is to make a practice of attending to self-love.

You might want to check the post I wrote at this time last year that goes into detail about self-love. And this post, written last spring as we headed into lockdown, addresses self-care, which is a big way we can practice self-love. Here’s one more post that describes great ways to cultivate self-love — it was my mid-February post 2 years ago.

I think about leveraging love and making love a driver in my life day-to-day, even when I am faced with people who test my patience or do troubling things. One great way to do that is to choose love over fear, and this post from last year can help you to that.

I focus on a connection to the energy of love in my heart, that fuels me, and, as a natural by-product, I spread love to everyone around me. This post about my mother, and the love she brought into the world, may inspire you.

And last week I witnessed an explosion of love

Huge love was expressed by the remarkable women who joined me for 3 big days at my Live Big Live! retreat.

The retreat was the culmination of a 45-day journey where each woman was guided to know herself, ask probing questions, and connect to the desires in her heart in a deep way. Week by week, the group traveled together. Everyone started to crystalize a vision for herself that was fully aligned with who she is and what matters most for her now.

And in our 3 wonderful days together — in a virtual setting for this retreat, that worked remarkably well — we moved through a process that led to more clarity, more specificity, and engaging in creative work that both opened hearts and expressed what was in each heart.

I witnessed amazing courage and moving vulnerability, as each of the women connected to the deep desires that inform her vision for the life she wants to create. I witnessed beautiful deep dives into envisioning living their biggest, best lives possible, and how each will step into living those lives.

Each time a tender insight was shared self-love grew in the speaker. That energy deepened connections and inspired everyone else.

I witnessed love throughout each day of the retreat, and marveled at the magic that grew as we moved through each step of the expanding process.

And each woman allowed herself to feel love, too — both self-love and the love of everyone else — and to receive that abundant love.

For some it can be uncomfortable to be the recipient of expressions of love from others who see us in ways we cannot see ourselves. When others share what they admire and appreciate about us, and we are able to accept what we hear with an open heart, it allows our own hearts to open wider. In turn, we have more love to share.

How do you want to bring more love into your life, and into the world around you?

I invite you to take some time and consider these questions.

Certainly, send a bouquet or sweets to someone you love. (My darling husband had the flowers in the photo above delivered on Sunday morning to congratulate me on the successful retreat — an early and very special Valentine’s gift!)

But don’t stop there.

Consider love for yourself. Are you practicing self-love? Can you bring more of it into your thoughts and actions?

And consider all of the ways that love can be a force in your life.

Envision the impact of ramping up your focus on love — in your life, in the lives of those you care about, those you work with, those in your community and even beyond. When love ripples out from us, we rarely know how far it spreads and how many lives it impacts.

And if you are looking for a guide in your life, someone who can help you expand and find the kind of happiness, direction, and love that happens at Live Big Live!, I am happy to tell you that I will be launching the next Live Big Live! journey soon.

This may be the perfect time for you to give yourself the gift of clarity, vision and support to create the future you desire.

I would be happy to speak to you and hear about the life you want to create.

Whether you aim to get unstuck, figure out what's next, make a big life change or find your path to more satisfaction and joy, it’s possible create the future you desire, just as countless clients of mine have done.

Let’s have a conversation about what's happening in your life, the dreams and desires in your heart, and how I may be able to help you create the life you want and deserve.

It’s easy to book a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me, or email me and we’ll make a date to talk. There’s no obligation. It’s an opportunity for us to have a meaningful and enlightening conversation — and maybe change your life.
Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Now is the time to shape your vision. Here’s how.

It’s easy — and comfortable — to focus only on the day-today, where you are now. When you keep doing the things that come easily, things you do out of habit, and living the way you’re used to, on and on without question, you cheat yourself.

When you never sit back and take a long view you fail to consider big questions and new possibilities.

What you do now matters in the long term!

Because when you live without pausing to consider what you really want, and what it will take to shift to make that desire our reality, you stay stuck where you are.

After all, when you keep doing things the same way, you are sure to get the same results.

It may feel challenging to get your head around asking big questions about the life you want to live, and what changes may be needed to make it a reality.

Why not set aside a few minutes to get clear? My 6-part framework is a great way to approach the process.

Look ahead and consider 6 key domains of your life

Sit back in a quiet spot and get comfortable. Have a notebook handy, and maybe a cup of tea.

Close your eyes and think about your life a few months from now, and a year from now. Ask yourself what you want that life to look like. What can you envision that connects to the desires in your heart?

Think about your work

Do you want to make changes — either in the kind of work you do, where you do it, the level you yearn to reach, or who you want to work with each day? Do you want your work to have a bigger impact, or a new focus?

Think about your relationships

Are there any relationships in your life that you realize your are tolerating, that you want to change, or maybe end? Are there some relationships you miss and want to add? Are there some you want to focus on and improve? Are there some wonderful relationships that you want to make a bigger part of your day-to-day life?

Think about your environment

Consider your living space and your work space. Does your environment support your well-being? Are there pockets of clutter around you that sap your energy? Is your environment calm, does it function well, is it a pleasure to live in? Do you have adequate comfort? Do you have access to nature, if that matters to you? What would make your environment more supportive of your day-to-day happiness?

Think about your physical and emotional well-being

Are you eating well? Are you getting enough regular exercise? Do you move in ways that make you happy, or do you want to switch things up? How is the quality of your sleep? Do you get enough rest each day? Are you irritable or content?

Think about your spirit

Does your spirit soar, or do you feel discontent or restless? Do you have a spiritual practice, or wish for a more satisfying one? Do you feel connected to your purpose? Do you trust and believe in yourself? Do you feel inspired and hopeful?

Think about the legacy you want to leave

Have you paused to think about your legacy? What are you doing now that will leave a mark that matters to you — be it with those closest to you, or that will impact your community, or maybe the world? What can you bring into your life, or make a focus, that will leave a meaningful legacy?

After spending time with these questions, you may have a few notes or pages of thoughts!

Consider what showed up in your notes

Do you realize that you want to step into a bigger, clearer, more intentional life? Do you envision being on a path to a life that will light you up in bigger ways?

The vision for your future might be focused on your work, on more personal expression, on the quality of your relationships, or a combination of factors that will bring you joy and satisfaction.

Savor the images that light up your heart. Sit with them, and begin to see them as your future reality.

Now is the perfect time to make your vision a reality

It can feel wonderful to envision a new future, and in the next breath it can feel really scary to think about stepping out of your comfort zone.

It can feel daunting to imagine yourself making the changes you envision in any (or several) of the domains — or even figuring out what first steps you can take.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed and so afraid that you do nothing.

But doing nothing to stay comfortable in the short-term eclipses the possibilities for big benefits down the road.

Maybe, if you think about it, it’s actually scarier to keep living the same way you are now, and never creating the life you truly desire.

Let’s talk about your fears, and the life you really want

If you are serious about exploring what it looks like to begin making your vision a a reality, let’s have a conversation.

On a Live Big Breakthrough Call you can share both the changes you want to make in your future, and the fears and obstacles that are in the way. I promise that you will gain new insights and perspective.

And if you want to hear about my coaching programs (including the next Live Big Live!), and if I believe the fit is good, we’ll talk about the possibilities for working together.

I believe that everything great begins with a meaningful conversation. I welcome you to make a date with me today.

Who do you need to BECOME to live big now?

Here we are, in the last week of October, looking ahead to a momentous election and the last 2 months of 2020.

Yup, there are only 65 days left in this year.

You may be hearing and reading about meeting end-of-year sales goals and doing year-end assessments.

Maybe you are thinking back to the ambitions you had for this year that got interrupted, and perhaps derailed, by the pandemic.

Rather than feeling stressed or anxious, I am offering you a couple of questions to consider:

What will help you to end the year on a strong note? 

What states of mind, what ways of being, can you address now, to make these last 2 months the best they can be — and to be your most resourceful and resilient self as you move into 2021?

As you read these questions, are you wondering how to start thinking about answering them? 

Consider this.

Your state of being is key to the quality of your life

Your state of being — how you show up in the world, your mindset each day — is the foundation upon which everything rests. It impacts your relationships, your work, your personal well-being — your entire life.

To BECOME more grounded, clear and confident, follow these 3 steps.

Step 1: Assess your current state

Take a look at this list of common challenges and consider which are limiting you now. (Trust me, we all are hampered by some or many of these, to one degree or another!) 

How many of these trouble you?

• A lack of confidence

• Feeling unmotivated

• People pleasing

• Putting yourself last

• Skipping self-care

• Comparing yourself to others, making you feel like you are not good enough

• Feeling like an imposter

• Difficulty setting healthy boundaries

• Feeling indecisive

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Feeling fearful

Mindset challenges like these are likely to have been in place long before the pandemic, though they may now be more of a hindrance. Or maybe some new ones have recently cropped up for you.

And maybe you are thinking of a challenge that is not on this list. If so, make a note of it now.

Next, jot down all of the challenges that hamper you these days. And for each one, note the level of negative impact they have for you.

Use a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most distressing.

Are you surprised at what you see?

If your list is long, or the scale is high, do not feel discouraged. You now have more clarity — that’s a good thing! — and you can begin to move forward to address these limitations.

Step 2: Focus on small change for one challenge 

With the clarity you have now, consider the single biggest limiting mindset challenge you identified — or the one that feels most urgent to address.

Yes, it can be big work to address such challenges. And I am glad to tell you that making change like this is doable — but the most effective way do it is to bring your attention to making small, focused changes to one thing at a time.

It’s tempting to try and change many things at once, but that’s not wise. When you are scattered and inconsistent in your efforts you are unlikely to achieve the changes you desire. That leads to feeling discouraged and giving up.

Begin by paying attention to the one thing you most want to address now.

And do not minimize the importance of taking very small steps to start shifting into a better frame of mind.

Consider taking small steps like these

When you feel overwhelmed, indecisive, or feel hampered by any of the stresses listed above, try adopting a conscious practice like simply slowing down and taking 2 to 3 minutes to breathe in quiet. Done consistently, this can be a surprisingly fast way to connect to your calm, wise self. It will help you more than you might imagine.

Or, if you are skimping on self-care, or notice you are people-pleasing, or realize that you frequently put yourself last, consider ways to treat yourself with more self-love. You might schedule 10 minutes for yourself each day — be it to soak in a tub before bed, to read quietly, or to take a mid-day walk. 

Small practices like these, when regularly incorporated into your life, will have a meaningful impact.

You may also want to look at the helpful practices and exercises I’ve included in my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, to help you address and overcome the limitations that concern you. Choose the practices you feel will most help you to make the changes you seek.

Step 3: Keep going, even if you are not always consistent!

When you bring commitment to incorporating a new practice into your life — even if you do it imperfectly and miss a day here and there — be sure to acknowledge yourself for making that commitment.

It’s when you get back on track and continue to build new practices that meaningful change becomes your new normal.

Much like brushing your teeth each day, you will soon stop needing to remind yourself to take those breaks, or treat yourself well, or set healthy boundaries. Practices like these become your new way of being, and you are then able to bring attention to the next area where you seek to make change. 

Can you imagine what it can look to become more of the woman you want to be by the end of 2020?

What would it look like for you to show up and do what’s important to you without those old ways of being?

What might your new year look like if you were able to shift into being a creator of the life you want, rather than feeling like it’s so hard to make the moves you long for?

Begin now! Start to take small steps to become all you yearn to be.

There’s no time like the present to get started.

And if you want personal support, to help you overcome the limitations that are hampering you with more ease and consistency, let’s make a date for a complimentary Live Big Breakthrough Call.

I’ll be happy to help you gain insights and new perspectives about the challenges that limit you and how you can move forward in your life in exciting ways.

And, if we both think the fit is right, I can share the way that my new signature program, Live Big Live!, might help you become a powerful creator of the future you yearn for.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Action is the answer

People are looking for lots of answers these days.

Life has been anything but “normal” the last few months. And the last weeks have been extraordinary.

Our personal lives and work, even in the best of times, call on us to address change, deal with challenges, look for opportunities and be resilient.

Add in the pandemic, and we’ve had to make major adjustments in our daily lives, face economic impact and hardships, and confront societal disruptions.

And then came an emergence of urgency to address structural racial injustice.

All of this is unlike what most of us have ever had to address, and the confluence of factors we’re dealing with in a remarkably compressed timeframe is huge.

Of course it all feels big. Because it is big.

It’s natural to want a quick return to “normal” and look for quick fixes for everything that’s hard.  

It’s natural to feel an impulse to pull the covers over our heads. 

That’s what happens when it all feels like too much. We can feel powerless.

Action is the antidote — but not just any action

The key is to choose to act with purpose. 

If you frantically start “doing” without thought, or take action that is merely a distraction (ie scroll through your phone, or scrub away at the crevices in your sink), you will not reap these benefits.

Here is why action with intention works so well. 

Action is a great antidote to fear.

Fear is unable to take the reins when you are in action. 

Taking action gives you agency in your life.

When in action, you have some control, which makes you feel good. You make choices and you pursue them, which puts you in the driver’s seat.

When you take action, you demonstrate ability.

Even taking imperfect action (that I always encourage!) and taking small steps (also always great!) shows you what you can do. You build momentum, confidence and satisfaction.

What action will you take today?

If you feel stuck, or if you feel overwhelmed with possibilities, take a bit of time to make a decision about the action to take — and then start. 

Your action may be related to your work, your health, a deadline, a desire, or more than one category. 

I’d be happy to hear about the action you take in your life. Leave a comment, or send me an email to let me know.

And if you want to take action to help end racism, I welcome you to join my new initiative, Creators of Change.

My recent blog posts, We Must Become Creators of Change, and Do You Hear the Call? will fill you in about this new effort. 

And last Thursday, we had our first Creators of Change Zoom call. 

There was tremendous engagement and a rich conversation. I am inspired by all of the people (including some who were unable to be on the call) who have committed to taking action to turn the tide on this huge problem in our society.

It’s worth noting that the commitments of those in the group are varied, in both scope and focus. And that’s fine. It’s the collective impact of all of the small action that will make a difference!

There are lots of ideas and resources available.

My Creators of Change Resource page has a growing list of information for educating ourselves, great organizations to consider supporting, art and literature (for kids as well as adults), and inspiration, too. 

Please contact me to suggest additional resources, as I am eager to expand the list. And, please share the resources with your networks.

Join the conversation!

The next Creators of Change call will be on Thursday, June 18, 8:30 am eastern. All are welcome — and please invite others in your networks, too!

Register here to join us.

And if you want to talk about taking more or different action in your life, or other challenges you may be facing, hit reply and we can make a date for a Live Big Breakthrough Call.

I promise that you will gain insights about what is limiting you, as well as what is possible in your life and work. This first step may be the most important action you take today.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Overcoming the biggest obstacle

We are all moving through and adjusting to our new, shared reality day by day. 

The topic that comes up most in conversation with the people I speak to on my weekly Zoom calls and with my clients, is how we are each making our way through our days.

Some are feeling grounded. Some are struggling. All are making adjustments.

And all of us experience ups and downs. It’s important to be compassionate with yourself when you are stressed. 

The biggest obstacle we face is not new to this moment, but it is playing an out-sized role: FEAR

I get it. Things are scary. But we can give ourselves time to feel into it, and then know that we don't have to let fear cripple us. In fact, the better we can learn techniques to manage fear and shift from it, the less it will hinder us.

Try these 3 great antidotes to fear

1. Live in the Present  

When you are able to be fully present in each moment, you get the gifts in the moment. You are not spinning out future scenarios, or replaying old stories.

Worry and fear can stay on the outside of that space.

When you are living in the present you can be grateful for what is good, what is beautiful, and what is meaningful right now. 

This focused attention also enables you to create the moment you want and need. And, it invites you to create a vision for what is possible to support you, as well as consider all that is possible. Your quiet mind is able to connect to your intuition, and new ideas are likely to show up.

My book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life includes a chapter about living in the present, with practices that can help you to make being present a natural way of living. To get started right now, simply pause, take a few slow deep breaths, and notice how good that feels. There, you’ve made a start.

2. Love More  

Love is a huge antidote to fear. This is the time to stay connected! Spend time (by phone, or video call) with family, friends, business colleagues and clients.

How can you share more love? 
How can you beef up self-love with some extra self-care each day? 
How can love inspire new ways for you to be of service, or help more people? 

When you live from a place of love, everything is better and everything flows more easily. 

There’s a chapter titled Love More in my book, and there is also a gift I’ve offered in the book that helps you understand self-love and the self-critic. You can download that guide here — as well as a few guided meditations.

3. Stay in Action   

Being active is a fabulous way to keep fear at bay. And it works in a few ways:

Be physically in motion: 

Find ways to move each day. Take a walk and connect to nature and the sky. Do an on-line yoga class or other exercise class (so many great ones are available now). Get up and stretch, or dance, or both! 

Create expressively: 

Choose something that will be fun. 

• Do you love using your hands? Do some knitting or a crafty project. 

• Do you enjoy cooking (or are you learning to cook now that take-out and restaurants are not your go-to way of feeding yourself)? Play with ingredients. Try new combinations or seasonings. Plate you food with attention to beauty.

• Do you feel called to draw or play with colors? Find some markers, pencils or paints and make a little creative station (your kitchen table is fine). Or pull out some old magazines and glue, and make collages. 

• Make virtual “creative dates” with someone and share your creations.

Take steps to implement new ideas: 

Remember the new ideas that showed up when you slowed down and started living in the present? Think about what small first steps you can map out, and start doing them. Is it a new way to serve your clients, as you see new needs arise? Is it a new way to stay connected with people far away? Is it a new way you want to experiment with creativity?

Commit to taking at least one new step each day. Momentum will build, even if you find yourself iterating and adjusting. Day after day, you will be in motion!

I am here. I want to support you.

My third Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Sunday included a wonderful group of big-hearted women from all over the country. We came together to connect, share and learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times. 

I will offer another call on Sunday, April 5 at 3:00 eastern. I'm eager to guide everyone through practices and insights for more ways to live well in these times.

Register here to join me.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Finding our way

We've all been saying it — what a difference a week has made. We are living in a different reality now.

Advice fills my inbox from all sorts of well-meaning, big-hearted people. So, I will keep my ideas to the point, and hope they are helpful.

1. Stay safe

There are lots of adjustments to make, but the basics are pretty straightforward. Clean hands. Clean surfaces. Stay home, and when you must go out, stay far from others and wash hands and surfaces even more diligently.

2. Lower the volume

Listening to the news all day, social media scrolling, and conversations filled with worry and rehashing are not helpful. Shift to short news check-ins two to three times a day and steer conversations in new directions (or curtail them).

3. Stay connected

We are blessed to live at a time where technology is available so that we can be in community virtually. It's not the same as in person, but it is a blessing. Tap into virtual offerings that help, such as yoga instruction, groups of like-minded people doing positive things together, online courses, and more.

And reach out to neighbors. Who needs help — even just a call to check in? We have a neighbor who offered to add our grocery needs to her list, and we will do the same for her next week. Think about how you can support others.

4. Practice gratitude

See number 3 above, and consider everything for which you can be grateful. When you look for it, there's a lot for which to be grateful!

5. Stay calm, ward off fear

Fear will not keep you safe. In fact, the stress it induces will lower your immunity. And, it clouds your thinking. We need to think clearly now more than ever! I have written about dealing fear in various contexts in past posts. You can check out this article, And this one. And one more.

This is the time to stay positive! And step #6 will help you do that.

6. Create each day

Consider your opportunities to create in two ways:

     A. Create to express yourself, dispel anxiety and open your heart. You can do this in countless ways, so try as many as you want. Start by choosing a playful frame of mind, to open your heart, then let creativity flow with ease. Doodle. Arrange food in a funny way on your plate. If you have a coloring book, spend some time with it. Play an instrument or dance to music of any kind. Collage with scraps of paper and cloth. Create on your own and invite others to join you on Zoom or post to one another in a text thread. As I said, there is no limit to how you can create. It’s a perfect way to lift your spirits.

     B. Consider how you can create new ways of serving, working, thinking. Approach everything with curiosity and ask, "What if?" as you prompt yourself to think more broadly. Is there a new way you can collaborate with colleagues? A new offering to create for your clients? Can you add value for your clients or customers? Often, constraints — like the constraints these times are imposing — can spur the most effective new ways of thinking and doing things. Challenge yourself to think differently. Reach out to people and think together about new approaches and possibilities.

7. Keep loving

Love yourself with good self-care of every kind. Love the people around you and find ways to let them know they are loved. Let love be the inspiration for all of the ways you can serve and create now. Let it be the guiding force in your life.

I am here to support you in two ways

I was moved to offer an open conversation I called Creating the Way Forward on Saturday via Zoom. It was wonderful to have time with great women to process and share and inspire one another other in many beautiful ways.

I will offer another Creating the Way Forward conversation again soon. If you are on my email list, look for an email from me, or check my posts on social media for the next session, and request a link to join in. 

And, reach out to me if you want some one-on-one support. I have opened three spots on my calendar this week for free Creating My Way calls, and will continue to offer them in the weeks ahead. Reach out to request one.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

We always get to choose

I recently got a wake-up call. You know the kind. When someone you love has died, and someone else you love is suddenly diagnosed with advanced illness, a lot shifts into perspective.

The big question that moves to the top of the mental list becomes, “What really matters?” 

And truly, that’s the question we need to be considering each day. That’s where our attention is best placed.

Do you have clarity about your priorities? If not, this is a great time to slow down and give it some thought.

Next, consider these three questions:

1. Are you choosing fear or love?

It’s easy to get caught up in fear — about viruses, about what’s around the next corner, about the political climate, and so much more.

When we allow fear to run the show we are inviting roadblocks to get in the way of what we decided was really important. 

Instead, we can orient ourselves to operate from the space of love.

What does that look like? 

It means choosing to love ourselves. We can focus on ramping up self-care, like getting plenty of sleep, and walking outdoors, or meditating to stay calm. Even something as simple as taking a minute or two to get quiet and tune into your breath works wonders.

We can also focus on love as we connect more to important people in our lives. These may be people we see every day, at home or work, as we make space for especially meaningful conversations. It may be reaching out to people we care about but have not spoken to in a long time.

When we operate with an orientation of love, we not only help ourselves and feel more positivity and happiness, but love ripples out in beautiful ways.

2. Are you choosing action?

After getting focused on what matters to you, are you setting intentions to get into action and stay in motion? Ideas are great, but many people stop there. It’s in commiting to actively doing that you will find satisfaction.

There’s a bonus to being in action, too. When we are active — whether we’re physically active, or actively engaged in an important project — fear has less opportunity to limit us.

3. Are you choosing inspiration?

There are many ways to stay energized and inspired. Rather than being caught up in drama, intentionally turn your attention to things that keep you energized.

Did you read inspiring stories on International Women's Day? Did you meet someone whose ideas are remarkable? Did you read a fabulous book or see a great film? Did you spot wonder around you (maybe see a surprising way the light filtered in your window, or hear a magical bird call)?

When you choose to bring your attention back to people and ideas and art that inspire you, you have incredible fuel to keep pursuing the things you’ve determined matter most.

We all have the opportunity to grow and expand day by day, as we make choices with care. We all have important work to bring into the world, unhindered by fear. 

What better way could there be to respond to a wake-up?

Leave a comment and share the ways you are choosing to focus your attention and efforts.

And, if you are curious about how coaching can support you to live your best life — as you are pondering what’s next, or if you feel stuck, or as you are navigating a big transition — let’s make a date to talk. Private Creative Core Coaching might be a life-changing resource for you. 

I currently have one more spot available for one-on-one coaching. And with the exciting activity that’s developing around my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, I may not be taking on additional private clients for some time. 

If you are ready to take a serious step to start living the life you yearn for, it can start here.

5 questions to ask yourself now

Asking yourself good questions is a great technique for getting clear and getting real. Here are five questions I ask my clients — and that I take time to answer for myself — each time we transition to a new quarter. This practice is a great way to check in four times during the year and take stock.

1. Am I being real?

Are you showing up fully and authentically? Or, are you trying to be what you think people expect you to be, or want you to be? Maybe you are afraid to show the world (or segments of the world) your true self — afraid you’ll be “too much,” unliked, or are simply uncomfortable being seen.

If your answer is less than a whole-hearted YES, think about why you may be holding back.

What to do next: If your answer was, "No," consider how you can make a small change, to show up as your true self in a particular situation. Starting with a small effort lets you test this out, and from there you can consciously bring more of yourself into all parts of your life.

2. Am I letting fear take the reins?

This is a big one for all of us. Taking a clear-eyed look at where you may be operating based on fear lets you consciously make shifts that can have a profound impact.

Most of what we fear is not perilous, and can be overcome with clear perspective and getting support.

What to do next: If you are holding back because you are afraid to fail at something new or challenging, try taking baby steps to test the waters.

If you are afraid to speak up about something on your mind, let a trusted friend help you practice ways to express yourself and encourage you to do so.

When you take small steps, and continue taking additional steps, you will gradually build confidence. Things are rarely as scary as they seem when unexamined.

3. Am I living small?

This question holds many more questions, such as:
How can I bring some boldness into my life?
How can I take steps to embark on a burning desire?
How can I lead in new ways?

What to do next: Pick one way you see that you are living small and explore at least five ideas for small steps that can open you up in new ways.Then pick one to test now.

4. Am I taking action?

Some of us are full of ideas, but hesitant when it comes to implementing them. Some of us habitually procrastinate. Some of us feel stuck — around a particular issue, or in general. All of these can drag us down, and often cause pressure and stress.

What to do next: If you realize that there are ways you are not taking action, this is the time to begin committing to taking small, consistent steps. Once you begin, momentum can build. And even if you hit rough patches along the way, the flow and energy you’ll experience when you commit to ongoing action will amaze you.

5. Am I celebrating my wins?

High achievers typically feel the need to do big, heroic things to feel worthy of celebration.

The truth is that when we acknowledge and celebrate micro-wins we have the satisfaction of accomplishment. It’s a big deal for our brains to get a boost like that. And it gives us energy to continue down the path we have set.

What to do next: Celebrate small wins like three straight days of keeping a commitment to stay in action around a particular initiative; or inviting someone to have a conversation you’ve been putting off; or (finally) asking someone for help.

The common thread.

You have probably noticed that small steps are the key to living more authentically, to living without fear, to shifting from keeping yourself small, to getting into flow and building momentum, and to reaping the benefits of celebrating your wins. All of these are doable if you set the bar low enough that you can clear it with ease. And when you continue to take small, doable steps, learning and adjusting as you go forward, the impact adds up dramatically.

Drop me a note, or leave a comment to share the insights that come up for you when you answer these questions. And, tell me about the small steps you are committing to taking, too.

Start taking a small step or two today, keep it going, and imagine what it will feel like to have truly moved the needle by the time the next quarter rolls around.

How to get past the diabolical duo of fear and perfectionism

There's a strange paradox I see all the time. Accomplished professional women who strive to build great careers, launch businesses, or make big shifts in their personal or professional lives often trip themselves up.

So many of these women have big ambitions, big ideas, and even big plans but can’t get things moving. Or they make a start and can’t build momentum.

What holds them back?

Two big culprits are fear and perfectionism — and often a combination of the two. These two forces are the underlying issues that keep so many people playing it safe (tweet this).

They slow them down — or keep things from getting started at all.

“It’s not good enough yet.”

Have you said these words to yourself?

You’ve been thinking, planning, and laying groundwork for something new and important. Maybe you’ve prototyped a new product, or completed rigorous training, or see the opportunity to build an awesome business. Maybe you’ve gone as far as building a new website. But the thought of actually showing it to the world or taking the next steps feels terrifying.

After all, what if it’s not good enough — or you’re not good enough? What if people won’t like it? What if you’ll be judged — by a relative, a colleague, or in the vast social media world?

Fears like these, that sit atop the perceived need for everything to be perfect, have stopped many worthy and important new things from getting off the ground.

Here are 3 ways you can turn things around

1. Stop listening to the fear

Focusing your time and energy on more refinement or additional preparation — or holding off on taking action — may feel like a safe way to protect yourself. But this is actually a way of telling yourself, “I’m willing to stay where I am right now.” 

If that’s not what you want, I’m here to tell you that you have the power to choose not to let the thoughts that drive perfectionism and fear rule you. 

It may sound simple (and maybe a little odd), but when you hear thoughts like those you can talk back to them.

Start by acknowledging them. Be aware that these thoughts are your ego piping up, trying to maintain the status quo (which feels oh so comfortable). 

This is your opportunity to be compassionate to that voice, but to firmly tell it you are in change and you’re running the show. 

Will it feel easy to do that? Probably not. But when you want something that’s important to you, you are called on to step out of your comfort zone and bring some boldness to the matter. 

And, remember that there is no such thing as “perfect.” So, share that news, too, when you respond to your fearful thoughts.
(You can read more about perfectionism and what to do about it here.)

2. Take action

Taking action — including some risks — is always the path to learning, growth, building confidence, and ultimately to reaching new and exciting places in your life.

Remember how many times Thomas Edison tried and failed before he created a light bulb that worked (he made 1000 attempts!). What if he had never started, or felt he needed the perfect solution right off the bat, or was so worried about how people would judge him that he did not get started, or became so discouraged along the way that he gave up?

Start with small steps and keep going — every small step counts. Stepping out of your comfort zone this way is not as hard as you might imagine. Continued action builds momentum. And you will find that action keeps fear at bay. 

3. Ramp up self-love

The foundation that will support you to implement steps one and two is actively emphasizing self-love.

If you have been following my work for a while, this concept will be familiar to you. If not — or if you want a refresher on the topic — here's an article that’s devoted to this important topic.

When you cultivate appreciation for all of your gifts, when you feel deserving of goodness in your life, and when you joyously love the amazing person you are, you will be amazed at how much easier it is to stand up to fear, ease up on perfectionism, and take action.

Drop me a note or comment below to let me know how playing it safe has been getting in your way and how these three strategies are making a difference.

And, if you think that coaching may help you to bring the important changes into your life that you desire, let’s talk. Take a few minutes and complete my Coaching Inquiry Form and I’ll be in touch to schedule a complimentary conversation.

Make this your day to step up and start creating something big in your life!

Creating light in dark days

The last week has been intense, stressful and even overwhelming for many women (and men). I put aside the topic I had planned to write about today because I feel a pressing need to address the flood of emotion that so many are struggling with — friends, family members, clients, and my own troubling emotions.

If you have a different political orientation, and feel happy with the current state of affairs in our country, I welcome you to stop reading now.

But if, like me, you have been distressed by the political climate and you feel that hope is hard to hold onto, you are not alone. We have witnessed deeply disturbing changes put in place that impact our health and environment, damaging changes to educational and our justice system, policies that are cruel and inhumane, and unspeakable omissions such as withholding standard levels of support for everything from health insurance to help for those hit by devesting hurricanes.

And then we watched the events of the last week unfold.

A brave, articulate, remarkable, composed and credible victim of sexual assault came forward with important testimony. A nominee for a seat on the highest court in this country, for a lifetime appointment, was frighteningly partisan, shockingly emotional, and seemingly untruthful. The sham of a limited investigation gave cover to lawmakers to approve the nominee, despite the outpouring of cries not to do so from scores of women who have suffered sexual assault, scores of prominent lawyers and academics, the editorial boards of the most respected news organizations, and countless citizens.

It has felt for many that this is a new and especially frightening low, one that surpasses many points where we thought things could surely not get worse.

Which brings me to address our collective state of mind, and how we can live and move forward in such troubling times.

We have been bullied, and bullies want to silence us.
They want us to cower and hide.

I say, “No!”

I urge you to resist the temptation to go fetal, or simply wring your hands with other like-minded people, or numb yourself to all the distress. 

Here are some of the tenets of my manifesto for living a creative life that are top of mind for me today, and that you may want to consider.

1. Slow down. Be still.

In quiet we can honor ourselves and have time to feel our emotions. And, we can collect our thoughts. This is important self-care that provides a foundation for taking action.

2. Live without fear.

Fear paralyzes, which is why it’s used by powerful people to quiet those they don’t want to hear from. Two sure antidotes to fear are love and action. Start by surrounding yourself with people you love, who fill your heart with good, positive energy, and who you can shower with love.

Filled with this positive energy you will think more clearly and be able to consider the actions that you can take to influence the situation in positive ways. In this circumstance, you can actively work to get like-minded people out to vote in great numbers. You can send financial support to candidates and causes you are aligned with. You can show up at rallies and be counted among the masses who will not be cowed.

3. Tap your passion.

Your passion connects you to your heart, your beliefs and your values. Let these guide you each day, and they will serve you well.

4. Live boldly.

Being bold requires that you think big. When you are bold you speak your mind. You show up to support the causes that matter to you, and encourage others with shared sentiments to do the same.

5. Create!

We all have the capacity to create our futures, rather than resigning ourselves to being passive, or worse yet, victims. When we adopt the mindset of a creator, life is full of vast possibilities, and we can be agents of change. Creativity can resolve confusion and inspire effective action. Test it and see what happens. Then keep reminding yourself that you are a creator until it is embedded in your thinking.

6. Be patient.

The challenges we face are huge, and there are few quick fixes for the changes that are needed. We must be patient and diligent as we work to turn the tide on so many fronts.

7. Carry on.

As we work as individuals and together to create a better future, new challenges will show up. Setbacks are inevitable. These will test us. We must live with intention and return to the themes discussed above as needed. We can and must maintain our commitment and persevere.

Our nation has rebounded from other dark periods, and often come out of them stronger than before. It’s by standing together and staying committed that we will turn the tide and restore justice, decency and honor, to live up to the true values of our nation. We have been the light of the world and we can be that light again.

I invite you to join me in voting in the coming election, in working to get all committed citizens to the polls, in supporting candidates with values worthy of our respect, and to staying the course for the big work that lies ahead for all of us.

How to access all of your own wisdom

So many of us live primarily in our heads. We think — hard and long. We look for and depend on data, validation, or confirmation from outside sources before we take action.

We are afraid to take risks, and are often desperately afraid of failing. We believe that all that thinking, analysis, and searching for confirmation will protect us from the possibility of failure. And certainly, if we remain in our heads and search for more and more assurance, we never make many attempts that could fail — but could also succeed.

This is a classic way we stay stuck — all the while telling ourselves the comforting story that we are simply being thorough, or doing our due-diligence, or getting fully prepared before taking action. 

All of this thinking is leaning hard into the left hemisphere of our brains. That’s the side that is logical. The side that seeks data and facts. Some of us even think of ourselves as “left-brained” types. But, the fact is that while the left hemisphere is super important, it is only half of our brain. And, we all have access to all of our brain-power — right and left.

Why do so many of us settle for using only half of such a critical resource? 

The right hemisphere of our brain is marvelous and is often under-tapped as a resource. People in fields like science, law, math, medicine, and engineering often feel wary of right-brain attributes, as they rely so much on facts, logic, and evidence. They think that right-brained people are artists, and they are uncomfortable about having anything to do with art.

This is a huge misconception. The riches of the right hemisphere are remarkable and valuable for all of us — and they are accessible to everyone. 

Here is how you can begin to tap into ALL of your wisdom:

Connect to and trust your intuition

The right brain is the place that our intuition lives, and our intuition is a huge source of our intelligence. When you have a “gut feeling” that’s your intuition talking to you. Pay attention to the messages from your body, too! In fact, your gut is considered a second brain. I urge you to actively check in and listen for what it is saying — because there is enormous wisdom in your gut feelings. When you override intuitive messages with logic, you will invariably find that your intuition was right. Trust it!

Embrace emotion

Emotions are connected to the right hemisphere of the brain, and connecting to your emotions is amazingly valuable. Emotional intelligence — being able to read people’s feelings, and your own feelings — is one of our greatest resources, and is crucial for effective leaders. 

Some people are scared of their emotions, and that is not so surprising when you consider the impact of strong emotions like anger or grief or fear. But when you cut emotion out, you are disconnected from important messages that help you make sense of things, experience things, and assess things. You are unable to communicate and respond effectively, and you are less able to feel empathy for others. All of this missing knowledge hinders you in big ways. (And strong emotions tend to come to the surface in spite of your efforts to suppress them, leaving you feeling overwhelmed, confused, and even out of control. Ouch!)

Create!

The right hemisphere of the brain is the place of idea generation, imagination, and creativity. And, our gut (our second brain) is the other seat of tremendous creative energy. It goes without saying that creativity is vastly important — in every aspect of your life.

The thing I have found, over and over, is that huge numbers of people have an absurdly limited idea of what it is to create. They are sure they are not creative, because they associate creativity with being Michelangelo or Mozart or Baryshnikov.

The truth is that there are infinite ways to create, and all of them are remarkable. And, all of them are available to you. 

First and foremost, start to think of yourself as a creative being, and consider what you can and want to create in every moment. 

• You can create with food — in the preparation of food, the presentation, the combinations of flavors, and more.

• You can create with color — using pencils or crayons for fun, or using color to make your ideas clearer for other people to understand, or choosing colors for an environment that will inspire or soothe or stimulate you, to name just a few examples.

• You can create with words — in poems, in conversation, when journaling or writing articles or proposals. Or knock yourself out and start writing a book if you’re so inspired.

• You can create with music — by playing an instrument, or singing to process emotions, or by choosing the music to play during a gathering with friends, to set the mood you want.

• You can — and do — create when you bring any new concepts and ideas together, and when you set a vision. Consider these creative opportunities, expand your thinking.

• And here's what you may never have considered. You can create when you deliberately choose a creative mindset. Every time you create a response and choose your course of action, rather than reacting, you are creating in your life. You can create what is right for you, what will align with your values and lead to what you want, in every moment.

Can you think of yourself as a creator now? 

Test it — and start today

There’s no time like the present to start thinking about how you can embrace all of your intelligence and bring more of it to everything you do, both at work and in your personal life. Pay attention to what changes, or shifts, or expands as you exploit the benefits of leaning more into the gifts of your right brain!

I welcome you to share your experiences and ideas and results, or questions. Comment below, or email me, so we can compare notes, learn from one another, dig deeper into this topic.

Our challenges can be our greatest teachers

I recently wrote about how you can deal with set-backs, which are inevitable in life. As a nation, at this moment, many of us are feeling like we are experiencing an emotional setback, feeling significantly challenged. I’ve been grappling with and thinking a lot about how we respond to challenges that are big, small, or huge.

Our typical challenges can be related to something like working on an important project and finding things going well, but then suddenly getting paralyzed and feeling unsure about how to get going again. Or, maybe you’ve had a great idea, done your thinking, research, and planning to implement it, and then have found it daunting to get started. Or, you’ve been offered a great opportunity and feel thrilled, but then a deep freeze overtakes you just when you need to take action.

You may be reflecting on a day-to day challenge, or you may be contending with a more emotional and existential challenge — like the fear and anxiety that have come up for so many people after an election result that feels frightening and overwhelming.

It is easy to find yourself in such situations, and to respond in ways that do not serve you. Sometimes we beat ourselves up, letting our self-critic go wild. Responding like that digs us into a deeper hole, and what follows is despair. Sometimes we simply curl up into a ball and “go fetal”, or numb ourselves with binge eating, getting lost in distraction for hours on end, or turning to alcohol. Sometimes we lash out at others.

So, what can be done when challenges grip you? And, what can we learn at these times?

1. First, get quiet. Start by sitting with yourself and breathing. Just breathe deeply and get calm. You might want to place your hands on your heart and feel the rhythm of your blood pumping. Don't try to “fix” anything and don’t judge yourself. Instead, simply let the anxiety you are feeling settle down and soften. Let yourself connect to the feeling of love, and love whatever comes up for you. Witnessing your fears lets your emotions and thoughts become clear. You can be present with them, name the emotions you recognize, and trust that doing that will make it easier to begin to move ahead.

2. Remind yourself of what you have lived through before that felt impossibly challenging at the time. When you recall times that you suffered grief, or feared external threats, or were able to find your way to taking action after being totally stuck, you give yourself a gift. Maybe you will recall how you were comforted, or that you felt better when you comforted someone else, and how that freed you to take action. Maybe you will recall that a trusted friend was able to help you see a way forward when you felt you were in a dark place with no path forward. Consider the fact that the situation you are facing now may be calling on you to show up in a bigger way, to move beyond your fear, to do something important.

3. Steer clear of drama, commit to taking a small step toward what you want, and find the lessons in these moments. When you are quiet and focused, you can keep drama at bay — your own drama, or that of others around you — so that you can stay clear and centered. You can notice when your self-critic has intruded, or irrational thoughts are getting in your way, and know that they are just thoughts and do not have to be given power. You can appreciate that you are able to impact the world in beautiful and meaningful ways when you commit to taking a small step forward, then another. And, you can commit to continuing to take those steps until you approach, or reach, the outcome you desire. It may mean persevering in the face of discomfort, but taking those small steps (even taking imperfect action!) will create positive momentum. You can appreciate that you have learned new ways of responding to a challenge, so that when this kind of stress hits again (which it inevitably will), you will have new ways of coping, rather than feeling defeated as you may have been in the past.

These challenging experiences offer you a way to practice being kind to yourself, to be open and willing to accept the way you tend to react, and to celebrate that you are changing old patterns. I urge you to recognize and celebrate each step you take, and celebrate all of your progress — even if you backslide from time to time (as we all do). The key is to gently get back on the right track, and celebrate that you have learned to keep moving forward with small, positive steps.

The wonderful thing about living consciously is that you learn and grow from every situation you experience. Let me know what you think about these ideas, and if they help you.

Does creativity excite you or scare you?

When people ask me about my work and I describe my workshops and my new Creative Drop-ins, I usually get one of two types of responses. Some people hear that at the workshops you spend a day to learn about and experience creativity, and they are excited about the idea of being a part of it. And, they hear about the weekly evening Creative Drop-in sessions for free-flowing creative fun, and are eager to experience it.

Others say, “Oh, that’s not for me!” And, often they add, “I’m not creative.”

Typically, people think they need to be “an artist” or “artistic” to be creative. While my programs employ making art as a way to experience creativity, they also include writing, movement, and discussions about creativity that range from activating creativity when cooking to increasing creativity in the workplace. The emotion that’s surfacing for people who have the second response is usually related to fear. For some of us, the idea of being relaxed and creating freely is intimidating. For some it’s completely unimaginable, and maybe even terrifying.

Why can something as amazing as letting yourself freely create be so frightening? There are many reasons. Maybe some of them are familiar to you, or to someone you know. Here are a few cases to consider.

One woman who came to my workshop a year ago said that when she was in the second grade the nuns told her that she was not creative. She had shut that part of herself down for nearly four decades until she decided to come to a workshop and see what it would feel like to connect to the creativity that I assured her she was born with (as we all are). She has been back since, and has been loving what she experienced and the way it has shifted so many things for her.

One person who attended a workshop is an engineer and had recently been promoted to lead an R&D team. She had never done much creative exploration and felt the time had come to figure out how creativity worked, to be an effective leader. She discovered that her own creativity was brilliant. As well, she found a personal resource that has enriched her life as she has embarked on new and exciting challenges.

One person is a researcher who never had a personal source of creative expression. She always focused solely on her family’s needs in her spare time. After a friend encouraged her to come to a workshop, she struggled to find a creative path that excited her. In time, she realized that spending time in nature and nurturing a garden really delighted her. She (and her family) have worked and played in her 15’ “victory garden” this season, and she is now harvesting the last of the vegetables and flowers they have grown in that lush garden.

I am another case in point. Sadly, as a young child everything I created was severely criticized. I soon felt it was safer not to draw or paint than to risk feeling the shame of being told I should be able to make better pictures. For me, the urge to create was strong enough that I pursued a BFA degree — but in college, and after, my creativity was strictly channeled to designing for clients. I never expressed myself through color, drawing, painting, sculpture, poetry or any other form of personal creativity. I was paralyzed at the thought of creating anything from my own heart until a few years ago when I was invited to attend an Intuitive Painting workshop. In the 2 days I spent at that workshop my life changed! The terror I had always felt evaporated when I had a safe, non-judgemental place to open up and discover that I — and everyone else at the workshop — had enormous creativity that just needed a safe place to emerge. That experience launched me on the path to immersing myself in new educational adventures and training, and to the the work I do now.

A wonderful thing for me has been seeing so many people who have felt nervous about attending a workshop or a Creative Drop-in and yet have decided to come and give it a try. I’m glad to say that nobody has freaked out! Their reactions have ranged from, “That was really ok!” to being delighted and amazed at what it was like to open and express themselves and feel the joy of creating. Most rewarding of all for me has been hearing numerous stories about how the creative experiences have impacted people as they’ve moved through their lives.

If you feel fear or anxiety arise at the thought of creating, you are welcome to get in touch with me. I truly understand that fear, and I would love to help you find the courage to safely and lovingly experience the joy of creating in a way that will feed your heart and your spirit.