Love is often complicated

Remembering a very happy Father’s Day in 2019, With my grandson and my parents

Lots of people find Father’s Day and Mother’s Day to be contrived, as the holidays were created for commercial opportunity. After all, they contend, every day should be a day to think about and express love to our parents.

And while I appreciate that the greeting card and gift sales, and restaurant meals consumed to note the day, can be a turn-off for some, I find it lovely to set aside two special days to really focus on one’s parents.

Much like a birthday celebration, putting someone you love in the spotlight feels wonderful. And it makes them feel wonderful. What’s the downside to making these joy-filled, love-filled days?

And it can be complicated…

Mother’s Day this year tugged at my heart. While I was delighted to be the focus of loving attention from my family — including a special brunch on a sunny patio with my children and my two precious grandchildren joyfully dashing around, this was the first Mother’s Day since I lost my mother in August.

I longed for the sweet days of years past, when I’d call her, send flowers and gifts, and tell her how much I loved her. The last time I got to do that was on Zoom last year.

As you can imagine, Father’s Day on Sunday was especially dear for me. Having just returned home from a second hospitalization in just a few weeks, my dad is slowly recuperating.

We drove to Philadelphia for the weekend and I was so grateful to be with him. The fact that Father’s Day fell on the weekend we were visiting made it even more special.

I treasure my father. I treasure having had this time with him in person, and surrounding him with love. It was a treat for both of us.

And yes, we brought him a big bouquet of flowers on Sunday morning, that I hope will brighten his days and remind him, for many days to come, of how much we all love him.

Today is also my mother’s birthday

My mother would have been 92 today. A year ago she was quite ill, and her birthday was celebrated on Zoom. She was happy that we could “be together” virtually. The flowers and gifts we’d sent were there. It was the best we could do.

Today my heart is sore. I hear her voice, but only in my memory of it. And I am doing my best to stay focused on celebrating her life.

My dad and I have a date for a Zoom dinner together, to reminisce and share stories about her magic. He loves to tell me about how he was smitten by her from the first moment he saw her, how beautiful she was, and how much he loved their 70 years together.

I am focused on savoring the joy

I realized this morning that it was Father’s Day two years ago that my parents were in Boston with us, just a month after the birth of my granddaughter — their second great-grandchild.

They were both vibrantly healthy and filled with delight to meet Aria and be with all of us.

I cherish these sweet memories, and so many more. I savor the joy of my weekend visit with my father. All of the precious times I hold in my heart serve as a counterbalance to the sadness at losing my mother, and the concerns I have as I watch my father slowly rebuild his strength and health.

We need to feel it all

It’s great to feel happy. It is hard to grieve, to long, to feel worry or pain.

Many people push away the hard emotions, which is understandable. But we need to feel it all.

Feeling the emotions connects us to our heart. And spending some time there can open us up.

One great path to moving through the hard emotions (and elevating great ones) is to use the emotion as “fuel” for something creative.

For me that is often writing or making art. For others it can be time digging in a garden, or moving to music, or playing an instrument, or making something with their hands.

Today I will cook something my mother loved to make, as cooking was one of her favorite ways to create — she was renowned for the food she lovingly prepared and served on gorgeous tables for family and friends.

And I have a date to create with a small group of artists with whom I have met regularly for over a decade. It feels perfect that our time together fell on my mother’s birthday, as my mother was a great artist in addition to a great cook.

I invite you to express yourself in a creative way any time you have emotions to transform or elevate. Maybe you’ll decide to do that today — our emotions are always there to one degree or another, always ready to be put to use in a creative way.

If you have never tried it, give it a go. It always works for me.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Mother’s Day and Creativity

As we celebrate Mother’s Day, it’s easy to get caught up in the commercial dimensions of the holiday. Flowers, gifts and meals in a restaurant are what it seems to be all about for many people.

Don’t get me wrong. I love that my children and husband make it a special day for me. It’s wonderful to be appreciated by the people closest to me and have them express their love for me. And, it makes me happy to let my mother know that she’s such a special person in my life.

But I’m also thinking about what it is to be a mother — in fact a parent, as my thoughts are not gender-related — and all that entails. (Whether you have biologic children, adopted children, or dote on beloved nieces and nephews, the things I’m thinking about are either actually the same, or metaphorically the same.) And, as someone focused on all aspects of creativity, and helping people to access their creative core and bring creative flow into their lives, I’m thinking about how the stages in the parenting process relate to creativity.

First there’s pregnancy, when a new life is being nurtured. This time includes self-care for the mother, for her well being and so that her nutrition supports the development of a healthy baby. Then there’s labor and giving birth, followed by the love and care of the baby — and guiding that baby through childhood all the way to adulthood. It’s a long road and rarely does anyone travel it without some rough patches along the way.

The birth and nurturing of creativity

With creativity, the conditions need to be right for fertilization — for the germ of an idea to start to develop. The “egg” holds all the possibilities for new a creative expression and those possibilities start in the right brain. That‘s where ideation and intuition operate — and when you allow yourself to be reflective and relaxed those inspiring ideas will come easily.

When inspiration appears it needs to be sparked and connected to a force that fertilizes it. That’s the big moment where you not only become aware of the idea, but actually decide to take steps to put it into action. Otherwise, the creative impulse will fade away and all of its promise will be lost.

You need to nurture creativity, much like in pregnancy. It needs to be given time, good nutrition and attention. Your idea needs continued focus. Maybe you decided to keep a journal. You’ll need to get the journal, think about when you’ll write in it, and if it’s something you’ll keep with you or will leave on your bedside table. Or, maybe you have an idea for a new initiative at work. It will need to be fleshed out and you may realize you’ll need other people’s efforts, too.

Next there’s birth. Labor and delivery can be intense, but that’s the time that this new creative “baby“ will have matured enough to enter the world and need “pushing“ to get out. There’s no turning back now, as you get the idea into action.

And then continued care, feeding and guidance are needed — to get real traction and realization of the possibilities you birthed. Sometimes things will go smoothly, and at other times there will be struggles. Much as we get through toddler tantrums and adolescent challenges, we need to persevere when things are challenging.

But, unlike when we rear a child, not only do we want to see our creative impulses develop and flourish, we want to continually repeat the cycle and continue to create abundantly. We want to create in many ways, to have creativity touch every aspect of our lives. It may well take some time. It often begins by focusing on nurturing one particular way of creating and doing it on a regular basis. Eventually, when creativity is flowing smoothly, it becomes second nature and it’s quite marvelous.

Grown children, mature creativity

I am blessed to have two truly wonderful children, and to now have the joy of seeing the fruits of my parental labor (shared with my fantastic husband). My sons are 19 and 29 and I am extraordinarily proud of the good-hearted, generous, special people they are. I love seeing them share their gifts and hearts in so many amazing ways.

I am similarly delighted to reflect on the ways that sustained creativity — my own, and that of many people with whom I have been privileged to work — can mature in magnificent ways.

I wish you a lovely Mother’s Day, and hope you will be inspired to “mother” your creativity every day.