Assessing Your Life Roles: Find Clarity and Purpose

We all play many roles in life.

We play roles at work.

No matter what position you hold in an organization, or as an entrepreneur or consultant, you may play roles that are fully aligned and that you enjoy, and you may have roles that have been imposed on you, or that you volunteered for, that are not so satisfying.

We play roles at home and in our personal relationships.

We often play roles by default — such as being the one who takes care of shopping and meal preparation, or handling finances, or arranging children’s schedules, or being responsible for a host of matters related to aging parents.

While we may find some roles suit us well, we may feel saddled by others.

Taking the time to assess the roles you play and how they are working for you can help you to recognize the ways you spend time that is fulfilling and meaningful, and ways that you may be feeling resentful or overburdened.

When you gain insight about the roles you play, you will be positioned to make decisions that best support your wellbeing.

Here are questions that can help you find clarity.

4 steps to sharpen your awareness

Most people drift day to day and operate in roles that may range from making them feel gratified and proud, to mildly annoyed, or sadly, to playing roles that are deeply problematic.

That drifting can go in for months and years, and when things are less than rewarding it takes a toll. 

I invite you to take a few minutes and ask yourself some meaningful clarifying questions, so that you can live with awareness and make changes if you spot issues you have allowed to continue without considering alternatives.

Take the time to answer the questions with care, They can shed meaningful light on many of the ways you spend your time and use your precious energy.

1. Take an inventory of the many roles you play.

What roles am I playing in my professional life?

What roles am I playing in my personal life, in my family, and with friends?

What roles am I playing in my civic life, or as a volunteer, or in my community?

2. Assess your satisfaction with the roles you play.

Which of my roles do I like — and maybe treasure?

Which of my roles would I drop, or hand off, if I could?

Did I choose the roles I like?

Did I choose the roles I do not want?

Did I default to playing some of the roles, or accept some roles, and now regret some of my decisions?

3. Consider the size of the roles you play.

How much time and energy do the key roles I play demand of me?

Have I accepted, or volunteered for, bigger roles or more demanding roles than I am comfortably able to handle?

Are there roles I yearn to expand?

4. Expand your assessment. 

Am I focused on the outcomes I want in all of the roles I play?

How do I show up in various roles? Am I excited? Bold? Reluctant? Do I inspire others?

Do I invite others in or play solo?

Do I do the bare minimum, devote an ideal amount of effort, or do I go beyond what is required, expected, or necessary?

Do some of my roles rob me of other opportunities for satisfaction and joy?

Optimize your path forward

Now that you have clarity about the roles you currently play, you can keep the roles that are positive, expand on some that are more limited than you wish, and takes steps to change — minimize, reduce, or eliminate — the roles that are not aligned for you.

When you commit to the roles that matter, and show up fully — boldly, with an open heart, a generous spirit — you will have your biggest, most meaningful and rewarding impact.

As you move forward with awareness and clarity, and regularly commit to shaping the roles you play with intention, you will build a future that optimizes satisfaction and reduces stress.

And you can ask for help to move into your best future with without the struggle of finding your way alone. Having an outside perspective and guidance can speed your progress.

I always welcome you to reach out. Email me any time.

My bonus tip to help you live big NOW!

Last week I shared 5 steps you can take to start making small steady changes that will help you live your biggest, most satisfying life.

If you missed it, or want to review the steps again, you can read it here.

The steps were designed to make it easy to bring a small and meaningful change in your life.

The objective is for you to see notable change quickly, so you can build momentum, and be able to make more positive shifts to the old habits that have been robbing you of time and space for what matters most to you.

Here’s a short recap of the 5 steps:

1. First identify one small shift you want to make.
2. Choose innovative ways to keep yourself focused.
3. Make a plan for the action you will take.
4. Track your progress.
5. Keep going — even if you stall, keep going and then build on your progress!

My mission is to help accomplished women everywhere all live their biggest, best lives!

Is the 5-step process is helping you?

Are you already noticing positive changes?

Whether you have started using the steps, or now want to begin to implement this gentle path to living a bigger, more satisfying life, I am excited to share one more idea today.

It can help you make the progress you desire with even more ease.

Watch your words!

This suggestion is subtle but powerful.

The language you use in your self-talk has a big impact on your thinking, and thus your actions.

I wrote about the power of self-talk to make your life easier in a post last year, that you can check out here. 

And here’s another post about the power of positivity.

To put this big idea to work, take note of times you use encouraging, supportive ways of speaking to yourself, and be aware of times you let criticism or negativity fill your thoughts.

When your language is positive and encouraging, your energy flows in great ways, and the outcomes of your efforts — no matter what you are focused on doing — will be noticeably better.

You always have the opportunity to turn negativity into positive thoughts and energy, and it is easier to do that than most people think.

Two examples of positive language to adopt

1. Eliminate the “shoulds”

Here is a common way that we make things hard for ourselves, that with a little attention, can be shifted to make things significantly easier and more pleasant.

If you find yourself thinking about what you should do, pause and shift to phrasing it as what you want to do, or what you get to do.

Can you see what happens when you swap in a few new words for “should”?

Instead of berating yourself or trying to force yourself to do something, you choose that thing!

When you change the words, your energy will come from a place of desire and/or opportunity. And what happens next will be remarkably better than starting with a should!

2. Add one new word

If you feel your progress is slower than you’d like — in making a small change of habits, or reaching a milestone, or completing a challenging task — instead of beating yourself up you can add the word “yet” to your thought.

For instance, if you are focused on speaking up more boldly, a new statement can look like this: 
“I have not had the courage to bring up that touchy subject with my colleague yet.”

Or, if you are trying to get more rest to feel your best, a new statement can look like this:
“I have not adjusted my bedtime yet, but I will test a new change to my routine tonight.”

Can you feel the energetic boost of simply adding “yet” to those sentences?

Awareness is powerful

When you slow down enough to bring awareness to the language you use in your self-talk, as well as when speaking with others, great things can happen with more ease and speed than you may be able to imagine now.

The more that you bring small, positive changes into your life, the more you will show up in new, big ways. I predict that you will love that expansive bigger version of you!

Email me and let me know how these suggestions work for you. And if you have questions I’ll be happy to hear them and get back to you.

This is your time to live big!

What will your wake-up call lead to?

Have you ever had a “wake-up call” that changed your awareness in some way?

I received an email the other day with a story that indicated a wake-up call had occurred. It was not dramatic or earth-shattering, but as I read it the note, I could see how meaningful it was.

Awareness was opened in a notable way. And that awareness lead to important impact.

What can happen when you explore

The woman who wrote to me shared a story that began when she watched a documentary that I have recommended to many people in recent weeks.

The 13th (that’s titled after the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution, and available on Netflix and YouTube) opened my eyes about the history of race, justice and mass incarceration in our country. It brings to light the ways that the decades of policy since the end of the Civil War have contributed to so many ills that people of color have suffered, and continue to suffer, today.

What happened after she watched the documentary was remarkable.

She described a conversation she had with a close friend, soon after watching The 13th, in which she explored a new awareness about language that most of us use without a second thought — language that carries deep pain for so many.

She shared that the conversation she had was meaningful, for her and for her friend, and that she is now more aware of many subtle ways that pain like that is inadvertently and routinely perpetuated.

This was a powerful insight, for which she is grateful.

When we are open to new learning we gain so much

In addition to the day-to-day focus we have on our families and our work, we can invite enrichment into our lives.

We are enriched when we learn, and we can gain important new awareness. When we have a wake-up call related to subtle ways we have been uniformed, it can be incredibly valuable.

And we can take that new awareness a step further.

By bringing the awareness into a conversation, or when we consider things we used to say, or do, or write without a second thought, and consciously make a change, we grow and expand.

Not only do we benefit, we impact those around us.

And in that way, we impact the world.

Amazing, isn’t it?

How will you take a step to look for more knowledge?

You may dive in to explore more that is related to systemic racism, and the impact it has in our society.

You may want to learn more about another challenge that concerns you — the environment, educational inequities, poverty, homelessness, the pandemic, the state of our democracy, and more.

These are all excellent possibilities.

Exploring and learning = taking action

And, talking with others is important action, too. It not only expands your own awareness, you share your new awareness.

In turn, others are likely to become more aware and initiate or contribute to more conversations. And so the impact grows.

This is what leadership looks like

When you develop awareness about an issue or problem you want to help address, and are motivated to help resolve it, you are poised to proceed in any number of ways.

I always recommend that you start with small, conscious efforts, and build from there as you wish. Seek inspiration from others. Invite collaboration. Think creatively to devise a range of interesting approaches to pursue.

When you stay aligned with your values and step forward with courage you are leading, and modeling for others to do the same. You are impacting the world in your unique and important way.

The world needs the greatness in all of us.

We can each step into our power.

We can all live big.

I invite you to consider the impact you want to have — in your personal life, in your work, and in the world — by stepping into your power, and living all of your greatness.

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. I’ll help you gain insight and clarity about what you want to create in your life, the impact you want to have, and challenges or questions that may be limiting you. And if we both think there’s a good fit, I can tell you about a new coaching program I have created that’s starting soon, and how it may be able to support you to create the future you want.  

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating