Navigating the year-end transition

As we head into the last two weeks of the year, you may feel drawn to look back, or eager to look ahead, and maybe both.

Whether this has been a year to cherish or a year you are eager to leave behind, you surely have meaningful opportunities for insight.

You choose the lens

Let’s first consider reflecting back on 2023 — which I suggested in my last post.

Looking back can reveal a lot for us, and can help us look ahead with clarity and intention for the year we want to live after the calendar turns on New Years Day.

All of us can spot times when things went well. It is important to recall things we took pride in and things to celebrate.

And, all of us can spot times of challenge, disappointment, pain or frustration.

It's in reflecting on the challenges that we get a choice about the lens through which we want to process them.

If you choose a lens of regret you may beat yourself up for not doing better or for having made poor decisions — leaving you with a sinking sensation, or worse.

If, instead, you choose to look at unfortunate events of the past year through the lens of observing lessons learned, or recognizing ways you moved ahead, you may well be able to feel gratitude for positive aspects of those events. 

Perhaps you will see that you were resilient.

Perhaps you can appreciate your strength.

Can you spot creativity in ways you thought about paths forward, or ways you approached a situation?

A focus on gratitude sets you up for success 

When you choose to look through the lens of gratitude, for both the great things and the ways you dealt with difficulties, you fill yourself with positivity.

The energy you feel when you can appreciate the full spectrum of your experiences is powerful. And that energy will support you to think and feel differently as you look ahead to 2024.

Try this next

Pull up your calendar and set aside a little time for yourself to look back, and look ahead. You may want to do this with a buddy, you may want to schedule two sessions — one for looking back and one for looking ahead. You may want to do this in a place you especially enjoy, like a cozy cafe or a comfy chair.

Any way that works for you is great.

It is helpful to scan your 2023 calendar and note the things that jump out to you. There are likely to be highlights you did not acknowledge, or special things that you lost track of. Jot them all down.

And jot down the rough stuff, too. There may be big ones you are thinking of now, and you may well see some reminders of smaller challenges that offer insights when you think about how you responded, overcame obstacles, or found solutions.

With all of the discovery noted, its time to do some writing about the outcomes in 2023 you can appreciate and savor.

And then it is time to look ahead to the fresh new year on the horizon.

What dreams do you want to pursue? How do you want to show up

Consider questions like these:

• What qualities in yourself will you leverage in new ways?

• Do you yearn to lead more boldly? 

• Do you want to be more compassionate (to yourself and/or others)?

• Are you ready to stop doing something the way you have in the past?

• Does it feel like time to try something big or new?

Write about all of the thoughts and ideas that come to mind, without evaluating or judging them, or thinking about how to do any of those things. (There will be time for those questions soon enough.)

Give yourself the gift of time to dream 

In this season of gift-giving, spending time to dream is a precious gift you can give yourself.

Let yourself dream big about the life you want to create in 2024!

It does take any more energy to dream a big dream than a small one. Honor yourself and the desires in your heart, and declare your dreams!

I am dreaming about a year filled with more love, abundant peace, and women (and men!) everywhere living their dreams.

We can collectively bringing more greatness into the world as we all create in meaningful ways. This world needs all of us to show up and live our biggest,best lives.

Are you missing the joy of the season?

Are you able to give yourself a break?

Can you let go of expectations?

Think about the perceived expectations of others that occupy your thoughts, as well as the expectations you impose on yourself.

This is territory I know well, and at this time of year, when the world around us is in a whirl, thinking about all of those expectations, and which you may want to let go of, can be a great gift to give yourself.

What expectations are adding pressure now?  

Let’s look at work

Many business executives, entrepreneurs, and other professionals are focused on year-end results. For some that includes closing as much business as possible in the last weeks of the year. For some there are projects to complete before the calendar turns.

While those expectations can be internal, they often come from bosses, investors, clients or shareholders.

For those feeling expectations like these, there is some relief in knowing that we can muscle through a few weeks and start anew in the new year.

Next, let’s think about the holidays

This season impacts people in many different ways.

Some are fully into the holiday party scene. They love decorating, hosting and gifting. Shopping for or planning great outfits, salon trips for fresh haircuts and manicures, are a joy for them.

For many, this season feels heavier.

They bristle at the expectations to be merry, look perfect, set a photo-worthy table and serve or contribute amazing food. They find expectations to give a perfect gift to everyone on a long list to be stressful — emotionally, financially, and physically. There are often a host of family expectations that weigh people down.

Most of these expectations can be a combination of external and internal.

And then there are all of the “shoulds” in our heads 

Let’s start with the expectation many have that we should feel happy at this time of year. That’s a tall order, even for those who are typically upbeat.

Maybe you feel that you should show up — for everything. Parties of all kinds, school programs, work events, neighborhood gatherings, religious services, family get-togethers, local ceremonies, cookie-swaps and more.

Maybe you feel you should — or must — shower everyone with cards and gifts. And if you think that gift or card should be fancy and expensive, or should be made by hand, that adds handsomely to the pressure.

Perhaps you feel expectations for how you should show up or should perform. This can be because you are a woman, or a minority, or the traditional host, or the person who does not align squarely with the values of others in a family or group, or any number of other reasons.

And then there’s the should of perfection — doing it all and doing it all perfectly. This is an especially heavy burden that many of us carry 365 days a year.

What if it could be different?

If the thought of any, or many of these expectations gives you a sinking feeling, I invite you to think about the power you have to let go of expectations — whether they are expectations you perceive from others, or expectations you have for yourself.

Can you imagine how it would feel to be free of them?

The first step in finding that freedom is to be aware of which expectations weigh you down, and decide that you want to make a change.

When you are clear about both the expectation(s), and have considered the source, try these steps.

1. Ask yourself if you feel deserving of your true desires — the desires that are in opposition to one or more expectations. Can you feel ok about not [fill in a blank from the expectations described above, or something I did not enumerate].

This may be easier for some than others, and I do not suggest it’s as easy as simply saying “yes” if that feels untrue.

If you feel deserving, you are on your way to dropping the pressure of the expectation.

If this idea is a challenge for you, spend some time celebrating all of your special qualities. Ask people who love you what they most admire about you. See if you can feel as deserving of yourself as you’d want someone you love to feel about themselves.

2. When you feel you deserve to do things the way you wish/if you wish, this step may take some courage, but you can state your preferences.

This is your opportunity to gently bow out of attending an event, or choose to get someone a small thoughtful gift rather than break the bank, or choose not to care if your table looks “perfect” — or like someone else’s idea of “perfect.”

Start with something small to test this out, and continue to let go of expectations one by one.

3. After each effort, be sure to celebrate yourself.

Savor the space, the ease, the pleasure you get to experience.

Then focus on gratitude — for yourself, and the gift you gave yourself by letting go of an expectation you are free of.

Sending you much love for this holiday season.