Finding peace in uncertain times

We are living through a tense, tender time that is full of uncertainty. Most of us feel fear, anxiety and sadness, and are looking for the best ways to cope as events unfold. 

About a year ago I wrote a post about choices, and choosing happiness. My point was that we always have choices about how we respond to events and situations. In that post I shared a graphic to help bring awareness to what is in one’s control — and what is not.

This seemed like an excellent time to share that graphic again — this time to support us as so many feel despair and helplessness.

My hope is that by being clear about what we can control, and what is outside of our control, we can take action to support our wellbeing.

You have more agency than you may think

As the graphic below shows, we cannot control the actions of others, what happens around us, or the future.

The first two things we can control, as listed in the graphic, relate to our emotions. And at this time, when emotions are high and often feel hard to manage, there are several ways we can support ourselves.

• Your thoughts and actions

When your thoughts spin down to fear and anxiety, the stress that builds in your system pulls you ever lower.

Rather than living with despair and having that pressure build, you can express the emotions you feel, to release their intensity.

Creating is an excellent outlet for managing emotions of all kinds.

Whether you choose making art (it can be soothing or harsh), dancing, kneading dough to release pent up emotions, or singing loudly in your car, any way to express your difficult emotions through a creative act will be helpful.

Consider the stimuli you choose for your thoughts. 

As you may recall, I have shared that last year I stopped listening to news at the start of each day. Instead I choose some music to soothe me, or energize me, or lighten my heart, as I get dressed each morning. I highly recommend this practice!

Actions such as writing in a journal, going for a run or doing yoga, meditating, and keeping a gratitude journal are also great practices to bring into your day. They will impact your thoughts and thus the actions you take.

• What you give your energy to

Rather than allowing your energy to be focused on anger, criticality or bitterness, shifting it to positive actions and thoughts will make a tremendous difference.

When you are intentional about how you exert your energy you will be less likely to slide into negativity and distress.

You can choose to direct your energy toward connecting to people with kind hearts.

You can direct your energy to accomplishing tasks that are meaningful, enriching and inspiring — for you and others.

You can bring loving energy to each interaction, conversation and action you take.

Let’s all live with intention 

Whatever is going on in the world, we live each day. When we each live our best lives, contribute our gifts and talents, and lead with love and kindness, we are doing good.

This world needs as much of that goodness as we can collectively offer.

I am listening to John Lennon's Imagine on repeat — to stay inspired and to believe that peace is possible.

You may say I am a dreamer, but I know that I'm not the only one.

Are you ready to stop struggling?

You have likely heard the Buddhist quote, “Suffering is optional.”

I noticed it coming up in different contexts lately. And when things show up with frequency like that, it is a sign for me to pay attention.

Most of us hold on to hurt, resentment and anger

I don’t know about you, but in the past it was a challenge for me to “let go” when things happened that felt unfair or unjust.

It was easy to stew in the emotion, to turn it over and over in my mind, and to talk about it at length with others — which often fomented more upsetting emotion about the issue.

This went far beyond processing and evaluating.

More often than not, upsetting thoughts about the matter at hand grew and festered, often leading to distraction, stress and poor sleep.

After decades of suffering in this way when such issues arose, I found it was possible to approach things differently.

“Don’t let it land”

This sage advice was offered to me by my husband years ago, when someone said something to me that felt deeply hurtful.

I have no recollection of the offending remark, but I never forgot the concept he suggested I adopt.

However, I was a slow learner.

I found it difficult to let the hurt roll off, to not “land” and get lodged in my thoughts.

Fortunately, with much practice, my ability to keep things from landing has improved. I am grateful to have been gifted this sage concept.

And not long ago I was offered yet another juicy bit of wisdom that I am glad to share with you.

You can drop the rope

When we are in a struggle — with someone else, and even within ourselves — there’s a lot of tension.

That tension usually involves tugging. Think of the tug of war games we all played at camp, or outings in the park. Can you recall how much effort you expended?

What if, instead of the pulling and tugging and huffing and puffing, you chose to drop the rope and stop?

While the back and forth struggles we tend to engage in as we try to defend a position, make a case, convince someone, and even beg for reasonableness can sometimes lead to something more positive, there are many times when that is not the result.

We sink deeper into pain, frustration, and even alienation from the other party.

And who do we hurt the most?

Ourselves.

That is when we can choose something else — to simply drop the rope.

By letting it go, we spare ourselves. And the other party often looses interest, if (as can be the case) they no longer get the satisfaction of provoking you.

When I have made the choice to drop the rope, I have felt remarkably liberated.

We get to choose

We often have to endure things that are not as we wish, or deal with pain. How much we suffer, however, is within our control.

Why not choose your own peace of mind and wellbeing?

Why not choose to stop tolerating things that you are able to be free of?

When we make intentional choices like these, we have agency in our lives. We create a new and better way to move through our lives.

See what I did there? I shared a small but meaningful way you can create the bigger, happier life you desire.